


Five Times Gerard Pays For It and One Time He Doesn't

by RubyTuesday5681



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Complete, Drinking, Drunkenness, Fingerfucking, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, POV Third Person Limited, Pining, Podfic Available, Prostitution, Rating: NC17, Rentboys, Rimming, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-23
Updated: 2012-08-23
Packaged: 2017-11-12 16:22:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyTuesday5681/pseuds/RubyTuesday5681
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is a cliché rentboy fic wherein Gerard (the customer) falls for Frank (the service-provider) and can’t figure out how to go from paying-for-sex to ‘dating’ or if that’s even possible. Added to the mix are Gerard’s perpetually low self-esteem, Frank’s neuroses, and both boys’ epic communication-fails. Will these two ever manage to get out of their own way long enough to see that they’re meant for each other? With a little bit of help from a meddling younger brother, they just might.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Gerard Pays For It and One Time He Doesn't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BeNotAfeard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeNotAfeard/gifts).



> Written for BBB 2012 (wave three). Listen to the amazing mix, 'two atoms in a molecule' by manuanya [here](http://rubytuesday5681.dreamwidth.org/45071.html). View two gorgeous pieces of art by vintagesick [here](http://rubytuesday5681.dreamwidth.org/45344.html).
> 
> Massive thanks, as always, to my amazing pre-reader, valress who has a way of always making me believe in my stories and love them even more after reading her feedback. 
> 
> This story was written as a ‘thank you’ to misslucythenerd for her sponsorship of me in my suicide prevention walk. Her prompt was ‘misunderstandings’

1.

It’s about eleven degrees outside when Gerard steps out of the bar. It’s fucking freezing and it hits him in the face like a solid block of ice. He remembers his scarf, pulling it out of his pocket and wrapping it tightly around his neck. Yanking his hat down as far as he can, he waves goodbye to Ray who has to go the other direction. He gets as far as the alley before he decides he isn’t going to make the walk home without a cigarette. He stops and it takes him about fifteen tries to finally get the fucker lighted. 

Gerard’s just sucked down the first lungful and is about to start walking again when he hears someone retching in the alleyway just behind him. An angered male voice sneers, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Another voice, deeper, answers, “Fuck off, you got what you paid for.”

Someone shoves past Gerard and he falls backward slightly. The brick wall behind him catches him and he looks up, closing his eyes against the horrible sound as he hears more heaving, closer this time. It eventually stops and Gerard opens his eyes, looking up at the cold moon. He brings his head down just in time to see a short figure moving out of the alley. He looks familiar and Gerard just catches a glimpse of hazel eyes as he turns his head away, eyes narrowed.

“Hey, I know you.” Gerard reaches his hand out, but the dude pulls away quickly.

He wraps his arms tightly around himself and looks Gerard up and down. “I don’t think we’ve met, but I’d be happy to get to know you better if you feel like sharing a smoke.”

Gerard lets out a tiny huff of a laugh and shakes his head. “No.” He waves his hands in front of himself. “You got me pegged wrong, dude, but I’m happy to give you a cigarette.” 

Gerard digs in his pocket to pull out his pack, but the guy turns away and steps forward, peering up and down the street as if he’s looking for someone. “Nah, no charity for me, thanks.” He waves his hand at Gerard vaguely. “Later.” 

He starts walking away and for some reason Gerard feels compelled to go after him. Dropping his cigarette, Gerard grabs his arm. “Dude, wait, it’s-”

“Fuck off!” The guy says, pulling his arm back and glaring at Gerard. “Fucking what?”

“I just-” Gerard has no idea. “It’s like,” he waves a hand, “two AM and it’s cold as ass out here. You’re not working more are you?”

The guy simply raises his eyebrows, looking slightly amused. 

Gerard rolls his eyes at himself. “I just… you should go home. It’s late.” Gerard has no idea why he cares, but he’s seen this kid around a lot lately - working a lot, and it seems like he’s skinnier every time Gerard sees him.

The guy turns his head and pushes his hair back behind his ear. It’s an agitated gesture. His hair is seriously greasy, not that Gerard’s one to talk. “It’s Friday night. I could easily make a couple hundred more bucks tonight without even dropping my pants.” He shrugs like there isn’t anything else to say. 

Maybe there isn’t, but as the kid turns to go, Gerard finds himself mumbling, “But it’s so cold…”

The dude barks out a laugh and turns back. “Will it make you feel better if I promise to work Grand Central so I’ll at least be inside?”

“…I guess?” Gerard blanches and shakes his head. “No, I mean-”

“Look,” the guy steps closer and moves into Gerard’s space, “if you’re that hard-up, I could…” He turns his head to the side as if he’s considering something. Gerard wants to cut him off, tell him _no_ to whatever he’s about to offer but he’s struck dumb. The guy straightens his head up and smiles. “You’re really kind of fucking pretty, so I can spot you a blow job for like… thirty, thirty-five?” He shrugs like Gerard’s answer makes no difference to him. That’s cheap. Gerard hates that he knows that’s so cheap it’s almost insulting. He hesitates, thinking about the wad of cash in his wallet. He got paid today. The dude raises his eyebrows. “Time’s a wastin’.” When Gerard doesn’t react, he shakes his head and turns around again. 

“Wait.” Gerard reaches out and grabs his wrist and he doesn’t pull away this time. Just turns around with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Knew it,” he says half under his breath and leans up against Gerard. His eyes are fucking huge. He licks his lips, seductively. Gerard has to remind himself it’s an act. It’s just his job. “So where are we doing this?” The guy’s breath is warm on Gerard’s neck. “I’m happy to go back behind the dumpsters, but you mentioned being cold, so…”

Gerard shakes himself out of his trance and tightens his grip on the guy’s hand. He winces slightly, but tries to cover it, schooling his features back into a sultry stare. Gerard hears himself say, “No. My place isn’t far.”

A slow smile spreads across the kid’s face. “Lead the way,” he says, gesturing with his hand. 

Gerard turns and pulls the dude along with him. “What’s your name?”

“Frank.”

Gerard bites his lip as he turns to look back at Frank. He nods. “I’m Gerard, and I’m paying you fifty.”

Frank nods back at him. “Fine with me, Gerard.” His tone is cocky as he says, “I’ll have that cigarette now.”

*_*_*

Gerard’s apartment is minuscule. It’s a closet, really, and he has almost no furniture, but he doesn’t share it with anyone and that’s all that matters to him. It’s also a disaster. He winces when he flips on the light and looks around. There are books and papers and art supplies all over the place. Frank’s probably seen worse in his line of work so Gerard tries not to let himself feel embarrassed by it. He does, though. He just barely manages not to say something about how he’d have cleaned up if he’d been planning to have company. He figures Frank probably doesn’t think of himself as anyone’s ‘company’. Gerard decides not to say anything about the mess, but now he’s left with nothing at all to say and he isn’t sure what he should do. He’s never done anything like this before. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Frank snorts as he unzips his coat and pulls it off. “’Tsokay, I’m a professional.” He drops his coat over the back of one of Gerard’s folding chairs and leers at him for a moment before saying, “You got a bathroom I can use?”

“Oh, yeah.” Gerard gestures toward one of the two doors in the apartment. The other one leads to a closet that’s so tiny it’s practically a joke. Frank goes in the bathroom and Gerard stares at the closed door, wondering what in the hell he’s doing. He takes a deep breath and counts to ten before raising his voice and asking, “You want coffee?”

Frank says, “Sure,” over the sound of the running water and Gerard goes into the kitchen to start a pot brewing. When Frank comes out of the bathroom, his face looks like he’s scrubbed it in scalding water and his hands are red. The skin on his knuckles is dry and cracked. Gerard wants to touch them, see if they feel hot like the hot water, but he restrains himself. He doesn’t know what the protocol is or what would seem weird. Frank’s hands are covered in tattoos and Gerard wishes he could take the time to examine them and ask what they all mean. He wants to draw Frank’s hands. He also sort of wants to put lotion on them, soothe the dry spots. 

Gerard realizes he’s been staring and shakes himself. He lights up a cigarette because he doesn’t know what else to do and then lights another one for Frank. They don’t talk while the coffee finishes brewing. Frank sits down on the floor and reads an old volume of Doom Patrol that Gerard had left out. 

When the coffee’s done, Gerard fills two mugs and carries them over to where Frank is sitting on the floor. He leans down, gesturing with the mug toward Frank, who takes it absently, still reading as his cigarette smolders away, forgotten in the fingers of the hand holding the book. “Cream?” Frank shakes his head so Gerard sits down and sips at his coffee slowly. 

“I haven’t read this in ages.” Frank finally puts the book down and takes a drink of his coffee. 

“You like comics?”

“Mmmhmmm. This is good coffee.” Frank smiles after he swallows and seems to remember his cigarette, taking a drag. 

Gerard smiles back feebly. He doesn’t know what to do next, isn’t sure what he should say. He takes a drag of his own cigarette for wont of anything better to do and Frank blinks at him expectantly. Gerard can’t help but notice how hollow Frank’s cheeks seem. “You want something to eat?” He thinks vaguely of his cabinet full of ramen noodles that he stocked earlier today. 

Frank shrugs. “I can always eat, but you know what they say about time being money and all that. The time your fifty is paying for is gonna run out if we don’t get started here pretty soon.”

“Oh right.” Gerard is totally out of his depth. “Okay.” He scoots across the floor the few feet to get to the mattress in the corner and sets his coffee cup down on the overturned crate he uses as a nightstand, dropping his cigarette butt in the dregs at the bottom of the mug.

He gestures for Frank to follow him. When Frank gets to the edge of the mattress, he leans over Gerard to place his coffee mug on the crate beside Gerard’s. His face is right in Gerard’s and his breath smells like mint along with the coffee and smoke, like he just brushed his teeth. Keeping close, Frank takes in a deep drag and says, “So, about that fifty bucks,” before blowing smoke out the side of his mouth.

“Hmmm.” It takes Gerard a minute to catch on. Frank’s eyes are kind of mesmerizing, but he manages to reach in his pocket and pull out his wallet to grab a fifty. He tucks an extra ten in with it. He thinks Frank probably notices, but he doesn’t say anything as he sticks it in his own wallet. 

Frank ducks his head and peers up at Gerard from under his long lashes. “Well, now that’s out of the way.” 

Gerard thinks briefly that Frank is kind of charming but he chases that thought right down, reminding himself that this is just a job for Frank. Just a job. “I don’t-” Gerard stutters, “How do you want me?”

“However.” Frank shrugs. “Makes no difference to me.” He drops his cigarette in his mug on the crate-table before gently placing his hand on Gerard’s belly. Gerard startles and Frank says. “You’re the one paying, so whatever’s comfortable. Lie down if you want.” 

Gerard lays back slowly, shoving a couple of pillows under his head and closing his eyes. 

“Tell me if I do anything you don’t like,” Frank says softly as his fingers begin working open Gerard’s pants. Gerard is already getting hard. Somehow he feels like this should be embarrassing. He wouldn’t feel like that if he met Frank at a bar and this was a hookup. But this isn’t a hookup. This is… something else.

Frank licks his hands all over and they’re warm when he slides them down inside Gerard’s briefs, working over him slowly to start. It’s a few seconds before Frank finally pulls Gerard’s pants and underwear down to his knees. He puts his nose in the crease of Gerard’s thigh and breathes in, mumbling, “You gave me good coffee and cigarettes and let me use your bathroom, so I’m not going to give you a rush job.” Gerard opens his eyes and looks down in time to see Frank smirking up at him. Gerard swallows and closes his eyes again as he feels Frank’s mouth close over the head of his dick. 

Frank takes his time sinking down and once he’s got Gerard’s entire length in his mouth, he hums. Gerard jerks and isn’t able to help himself as his hands land on Frank’s head, tangling gently in the greasy dark strands. Gerard is surprised by the contented sound Frank makes at this. He slowly massages his fingers around on Frank’s scalp as Frank begins setting an up-an-down rhythm, taking Gerard all the way in each time he goes down. 

Gerard settles into it, trying not to move his hips too much, letting Frank run the show. Gerard doesn’t want to be an asshole john. He figures Frank is just going to think of him like a john anyway, but he might as well be decent about it. Gerard’s getting close when he feels Frank’s fingers sneak down to massage at his balls. Gerard jerks a little because he wasn’t expecting it. Frank looks up at him, eyes wide, and Gerard smiles, still petting at his head. “It’s good, I-” he stammers. “I like that.” It’s hard to tell, but Frank seems to smile as he sinks down and keeps working his nimble fingers around Gerard’s balls. It’s nice. When Gerard hooks up with guys, he usually has to ask them to go there. Frank pulls off Gerard’s dick and surprises him by going down to lick at his balls now. Gerard’s breathing speeds up and this time he can’t help jerking his hips. Frank stills them with one hand as he laps at Gerard’s balls for a few more seconds. 

When Frank finally returns to Gerard’s dick, he sucks harder, hollowing out his cheeks each time he goes down. Gerard is close now, really close, and he hopes he isn’t pulling too hard on Frank’s hair. Frank keeps making moaning sounds deep in his throat. Gerard thinks that must be for his benefit and he wishes he’d paid Frank more because this is as good as any blowjob he’s ever had and probably better.

Gerard expects Frank to pull off when he shouts, “Frank!” in warning, but he doesn’t. He simply goes down a little deeper, holding Gerard’s hips still with his hands and swallows the entire load as Gerard comes down his throat. Frank works him through all the spasms after, even as his body goes mostly limp. It takes Gerard a few seconds to catch his breath and open his eyes. Frank is sitting up next to him, watching him and absently petting his hip. Gerard is immediately struck with the desire to reciprocate, but he’s fairly certain that isn’t exactly how things work in this situation. Instead, what slips out is, “I wasn’t expecting you to swallow.”

Frank shrugs. “Sometimes it’s just easier that way.” He looks down at his fingers and seems to notice what they’re doing, rapidly pulling his hand away to grasp his fingers in his lap. “Don’t worry, I won’t go throw up in your bathroom now.” 

“Oh, I…” Gerard is at a loss. “Whatever, it’s fine… whatever you need to do.” He shakes his head and finally gets himself together enough to tuck his junk back into his underwear. He shoves off his shoes and pants altogether since he’s suddenly exhausted and just wants to sleep. He puts his hand on Frank’s forearm and Frank stares at it for a moment before raising an eyebrow at Gerard in question. “You should stay.” Frank shakes his head but before he can speak Gerard says, “It’s so late, just… you must be tired.” 

“I sleep during the day a lot.” Gerard isn’t sure he believes that as he assesses the hollow circles under Frank’s eyes but he doesn’t argue. Frank seems to consider him for a moment before eventually saying, “I don’t ever sleep at clients’ homes, but… any chance I could use your shower?”

“Oh, yeah!” Gerard sits up and gestures toward the bathroom awkwardly. “Whatever you need and you know, if you’re hungry…” he trails off. 

Frank nods. “Cool, thanks.” 

Frank stands up and moves the couple steps to the bathroom. For some reason Gerard feels compelled to say, “Stay as long as you want… whatever you need, I’m just-” Frank smiles at him before he closes the bathroom door, “going to sleep,” Gerard finishes. 

Gerard turns off the lamp by the bed and doesn’t bother getting up to turn off the light over the kitchenette. He figures Frank will need some light anyway. The sound of the shower running lulls him and as he finally drifts off to sleep, the thought crosses his mind that he really hopes he doesn’t wake up to find he’s been robbed. 

*_*_*

Frank is gone in the morning, of course. Gerard stumbles around the apartment and from what he can tell nothing is missing. He even checks his wallet, but the right amount of cash is there. In the kitchen, he notices a small pot, bowl, and spoon sitting in the dish drainer that he knows weren’t there before. Then he sees the note on the counter. It’s written in one of Gerard’s drawing markers on a paper plate, _‘thanks for the noodles – f’_ The note sits on the counter for several days. It’s probably weird, but every time Gerard looks at it he smiles and feels an absurd sort of contentedness. He thinks he should feel like a schmuck for paying for sex, but he doesn’t. Not even a little bit. 

++++++++

2\. 

Gerard normally enjoys Christmas, but this year it just got him down. He had made excuses to come back to the city earlier than normal, saying he had plans to meet friends, which is utter bullshit - his only plans are with his friend, Jack Daniels. He fills his time by drawing stories for two days straight and manages to get scheduled for a couple of extra shifts at Ray’s family’s used bookstore where he works. The night before New Year’s Eve finds him ambling home from the liquor store having just spent nearly half of what he’d made today on booze. 

He’s about a block from home, struggling against the wind to get a cigarette lit without dropping his bag when he hears angry voices coming from the other side of the street. He recognizes one of the voices right away and turns his head, cigarette forgotten. Frank’s voice is deeper than the other one and the first words Gerard makes out are, “I said fucking no, man!” Frank’s yanking his arm away from some dude who’s got at least six inches and probably sixty pounds on Frank and Gerard finds himself jogging across the street before he even realizes what he’s doing. 

The big dude says, “C’mon man I’ve got three hundred bucks fucking burning a hole in my pocket. Think what you could do with that. You look like you need a hit right now. I’ll even call my dealer for you soon as we’re done.”

“Fuck you! I am not a fucking junkie,” is all Frank manages to get out before the bigger dude’s got his massive hands wrapped around Frank’s upper arms. Frank keeps struggling. “I told you I’m not working tonight!” 

Frank grimaces and turns his head away while trying to kick the bigger guy in the shins, not quite able to get his legs up to knee him in the groin. The big dude just laughs and lowers his voice. “C’mon Frankie, don’t we always have fun together?”

“There you are Frankie, I was wondering what happened to you.” Gerard’s voice sounds loud even to his own ears and he can’t believe how steady it is. Frank and the big dude both freeze and stare at him. He grins at them before pausing to affect confusion. “Everything okay?” As casually as possible, Gerard removes one of the big guy’s hands from Frank’s arm. 

Big guy is startled. He drops the hand and swallows, but doesn’t move away, keeping the other hand on Frank’s arm. Gerard is intensely aware that this guy could take out both him and Frank if he really wanted to. “Sorry man,” big guy says. “I kinda saw him first tonight.” He smirks and it makes Gerard’s stomach roil. “Gotta get in line,” the guy says, laughing. 

Gerard shakes his head. “Oh no man, I’m sorry. Actually tonight’s my night.” He snakes an arm around Frank’s waist and lifts up his bag of booze as if to show that plans had been made. “I already paid and everything.” He turns his face into Frank’s neck, feigning familiarity. “I got Heineken for you, babe.” 

Frank smiles and nods up at the big dude. “Yup, it’s his night.” He lets his head fall against Gerard’s. “800 bucks for Thursday, all night.” 

The big dude finally lets go of Frank’s other arm and back up a step, still not seeming totally convinced. He nods anyway, though, and looks disappointed. “Well, guess I was too late this time.” He narrows his eyes and looks back and forth between them. Gerard chances backing them both up a step and turning his body away. Frank goes right along with him. Gerard smiles and nods at the big dude who says, “I’ll get you next time, Frankie.” He points at Frank and leers. “You owe me now, boy.” 

Gerard doesn’t want to hang around to hear any more. He turns them around completely so they walk quickly in the opposite direction. It isn’t the way to Gerard’s apartment, but he doesn’t exactly care right now. He figures any direction that’s away from that creep is where they need to go. 

They walk for about three blocks and turn a corner before Gerard feels like it’s probably safe to let go. He lets go of Frank’s waist but Frank keeps walking, looking straight ahead. After a few more paces, he finally says, “Thanks,” not looking at Gerard.

“It’s fine,” Gerard says softly. 

Gerard pulls out his cigarettes and lights one before offering it to Frank who takes it gladly, sucking in a deep drag and blowing it back out before he says, “You didn’t have to do that. That guy is fucking huge and strong. You have no idea.” He suddenly stops and shakes his head, finally looking at Gerard. “He could have rearranged your pretty face. Why did you do that?”

Gerard shrugs. “I don’t know, you said…” He looks around, biting his lip and feeling dumb. “You didn’t want to go with him.”

Frank snorts and shakes his head. “You’re serious.” He stares at Gerard, deadpan, for a moment as he takes a long drag off his cigarette. He doesn’t seem to blink. Eventually he sighs and says, “You looking for company tonight?” He knocks his hand gently into Gerard’s bag of booze. “That’s an awful lot of liquor to drink alone. Or are you on your way to some party and got interrupted saving my ass.”

Gerard’s shakes his. “No, no party. Just me, but… you said you aren’t working tonight.”

“Ha!” Frank barks out. “No, I’m always working, just not for that smarmy slime-ball.” He waves a hand. “I don’t actually _enjoy_ being a punching bag for asshole jocks still stuck in the closet and angry about it.”

Gerard winces. “Oh.” He shakes himself. “I mean, no, of course you don’t.” Frank shrugs like he’s perfectly fine and Gerard looks at him for a moment – at his big hazel-green eyes and soft lips. He has to look away. He doesn’t think he’s supposed to want to kiss those lips, but he does… he wants to. “I don’t-” He starts, looking back up at Frank’s eyes - big and open and wondering. “I don’t have 800 bucks.” 

Frank smiles kindly, it even reaches his eyes. “No one has 800 bucks. You got eighty?” Gerard nods. Frank takes his hand. “Then you got me for as long as it takes to down at least two drinks.” He knocks his body into Gerard’s. “What we do is negotiable after we get inside. It’s fucking freezing out here.”

Gerard laughs and shakes his head, not exactly sure how the night took this turn so suddenly. “Okay,” is all he says and goes along as Frank drags him out toward the street they were on before.

Frank stops and grins at Gerard, turning his head. “It’s this way, right?” Gerard nods and Frank leads them back toward Gerard’s apartment. Frank doesn’t drop his hand until they’re inside and Gerard tells himself that it’s just because he doesn’t want to risk any more run-ins with asshole johns. 

*_*_*

Frank goes straight into the bathroom without asking as soon as they’re inside. Gerard calls after him, “You want coffee first or just-”

He’s cut off when Frank says through the door, “Beer, I want beer.” 

“Okay,” Gerard says and opens two Heinekens. Gerard winces when he sees that his mattress is totally covered with drawing paper and about a hundred markers and pens. He fell asleep drawing last night and woke up late, almost missing the start of his shift at work. He’s working on gathering up all the papers when Frank comes out of the bathroom. 

“Whoah, you draw?” Gerard looks down at the papers in his hands. “These are really good,” Frank says, coming closer and leaning around to look at the pictures. Gerard shrugs and keeps picking up the mess. Frank backs off. “Okay, we won’t talk about it then. That’s fine.” He stretches his arms up over his head and Gerard looks up in time to see a strip of his belly exposed. He has tattoos on his stomach - words. All Gerard reads is _and_ before Frank drops his arms, grinning at Gerard. “I’m pretty good at not talking.” He gestures toward the beers on the counter. “One of those for me?” Gerard nods and Frank grabs one, downing about the half the beer in one shot. He leans against the counter and watches Gerard as he cleans the rest of the mess off the bed. 

Eventually, Gerard has to stand up when there’s nothing left to clean. He reaches for his own beer and feels his stomach grumble. “I didn’t have dinner yet. You want?” He waves toward the cabinet. 

Frank moves to get out of his way. The space really is ridiculously tiny. “Sure, whatever you were gonna have.” 

Gerard opens the cabinet and pulls down a box of mac and cheese. “Mac and cheese okay?”

Frank smiles. It seems genuine and startles Gerard. “Mac and cheese is perfect.”

They don’t talk while Gerard cooks, but Frank finishes his beer quickly and starts on a second while he makes himself at home, reading Gerard’s comic books. At one point, he picks up one of Gerard’s sketchbooks and starts to open it. “Don’t-” Gerard gets out and Frank startles, dropping the sketchpad and looking up guiltily. 

“Sorry. I know it’s like, personal. I was just curious.”

Gerard shrugs. “It’s okay. I just… I don’t really show a lot of people.”

“You’re good, though,” Frank says, earnest. 

“I guess.”

Frank raises his eyebrows and drains his second beer, staring at Gerard while he finishes cooking. It’s unnerving. 

At last the food’s ready and they eat in silence. Frank is happy to eat a second bowl when Gerard offers it to him. Gerard wants to ask Frank a million questions, but somehow he’s sure that wouldn’t be welcome. When he stands up to carry their bowls to the sink, Frank comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist. “Guess it’s time for me to earn my eighty bucks,” he says, rubbing his face on Gerard’s back between his shoulder blades. 

Gerard turns around in Frank’s embrace and looks down at him where he has his head cocked to the side, waiting, smirking. Gerard pulls his wallet from his pocket and takes out two fifties. “I don’t have change.” 

It’s a lie, but Frank snatches the bills from Gerard’s fingers saying, “What a shame, neither do I,” and stuffs them in his back pocket before sliding his fingers down under Gerard’s waistband and backing towards the bed, pulling Gerard with him. When they reach the mattress, Frank turns around swiftly, pushing Gerard down onto his back. Frank crawls over him, not wasting any time as he undoes Gerard’s jeans and pushes them down. 

“Whoah, oh,” Gerard says. “Okay.”

Frank looks up at him and grins. He’s already snaking his left hand inside Gerard’s briefs. “Okay?” Gerard nods and watches as Frank licks over all the fingers on his right hand. He doesn’t break eye contact with Gerard until he puts his hand on Gerard’s dick and starts stroking. Gerard lets his head fall back and closes his eyes. It’s good, so good, just like last time. Frank doesn’t rush at all, taking his time stroking Gerard until he’s fully hard before sinking his mouth down oh so slowly. He doesn’t stop until he’s taking Gerard’s entire length. Gerard’s actually really impressed by how long Frank stays down before pulling up and sucking in a lungful of air. Gerard looks down in time to see how messy Frank’s face is. There’s a spit-slick sheen on his lips and he has saliva dripping from his chin. He wipes his face with the back of his arm and winks up at Gerard before closing his eyes and sinking back down again. It occurs to Gerard that Frank seems like he really likes this, like he’s enjoying sucking Gerard off. Gerard stamps out that thought right away. It’s just a job, this is just a job. But as Gerard starts getting lost in the rhythm that Frank’s set, he can’t help but think that Frank is really fucking good at his job. 

When Frank starts fondling Gerard’s balls again, he can’t help jerking his hips up. Frank lays his forearm across Gerard’s hips to hold him steady and Gerard looks down to see that Frank has pushed his sleeve up. His forearm is covered in tattoos, the bright ink is mesmerizing. Gerard sees long streaks of red and starts to lean forward to get a closer look, but then Frank pulls up and looks at him questioningly. He licks his lips and cracks his jaw, raising his eyebrow at Gerard. “Everything okay?”

Gerard watches his own fingers trailing across Frank’s colorful skin. Frank watches, too, but doesn’t say anything. After a second, Gerard nods. “Yeah.” His throat is totally dry. He swallows. “Yeah, I’m good.” He smiles easily, knowing he’s getting too comfortable. “Really good.” 

Frank grins back at him before nuzzling his belly. He resumes stroking Gerard’s dick and says, “Mmmm, I’m glad.” He licks the crease in Gerard’s thigh a couple of times and then tickles at Gerard’s balls. Gerard jerks and Frank laughs, but it’s isn’t mean. “I know you want the royal ball treatment again, yeah?”

Gerard can’t help but bark out a laugh at that. “Is that what you call it?”

Frank shrugs. “In my head, I call it that, yeah.” He licks a long, wet stripe right up Gerard’s balls. “You have nice balls.” He kisses them and it makes Gerard shiver, tiny pinpricks crawling up his spine. Frank’s practically whispering when he says, “I don’t say that to just anyone.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Gerard manages to mutter back before he has to close his eyes. His hand lands on Frank’s head, the soft strands already feel familiar. Frank spends a lot longer sucking at his balls this time and Gerard feels like he nearly zones out for a few minutes. Eventually, Frank gets back to sucking his dick and Gerard finds both of his hands on Frank’s head, trying hard not to push. He really doesn’t want to be an asshole. 

Gerard’s just starting to get close when Frank pulls off and says, “You can fuck my face, if you want.”

Gerard is startled. “What?” It takes him a few seconds to grasp what Frank said. 

Frank shrugs just one shoulder. “You can, if you want to. I don’t mind.”

Gerard swallows. “You sure?”

Frank huffs out a tiny puff of air, the smallest laugh. “Oh yeah, I’m sure. Go on, you want to.” Frank lays his hands to the side of Gerard’s hips on the mattress, no longer holding on and goes down just part way, waiting. And oh yeah, Gerard really does want to. He just didn’t think he’d ever be allowed. He goes for it, though, both hands in Frank’s hair as he shoves his hips up, falling into a rhythm. Frank takes it, takes him all the way down and makes fucking moaning noises, like he likes it, like this is good for him. Frank’s mouth is all tight, wet heat and going like this it doesn’t take long for Gerard to be right on the edge again. Frank starts running the fingers of his right hand ever so gently along Gerard’s flank and Gerard gets fucking chills as he comes down Frank’s throat. He comes harder and longer than he has in ages and Frank just swallows it all. 

Frank smiles after he pulls off. It’s a funny, self-satisfied preening sort of smile and Gerard is bewildered. Of course Frank has to know he could get any guy off. His mouth is fucking sinful. Gerard wants to kiss him. He wants to pull him down and kiss him and then suck him off, but all he does is grab Frank’s hand and twine their fingers together loosely. Gerard counts the seconds, he gets to seven before Frank takes his hand away to reach for the makeshift nightstand and grab Gerard’s cigarettes. He lights one for Gerard and then one for himself. 

Gerard takes a couple of long drags, trying to think of what to say. For some reason he thinks Frank should say something, since he’s the ‘professional’ and all. He doesn’t, though, just finishes his cigarette and puts it out before standing up. Gerard wants him to stay, of course, but Frank made it pretty clear last time that he doesn’t do that. And even if he did, Gerard is sure he couldn’t afford it. He manages to spit out, “Did you want to use the shower again?”

Frank shakes his head and says, “Nah.” He wraps his scarf around his neck and pulls his gloves on – the fingers are cut off and they have a skeleton design on the back. “We finally got the water turned back on at our place. But thanks.” 

The ‘thanks’ sounds really sincere and Gerard nods, watching Frank pull on his coat. He wonders who the ‘we’ is that Frank lives with. Just roommates? A friend? Boyfriend? _Girlfriend?_ That’s probably it, Gerard realizes; Frank’s gorgeous, of course he has someone. Gerard notices Frank doing something in the kitchenette before he goes for the door. He tosses, “See ya ‘round, Gerard,” over his shoulder before leaving, pulling the door firmly shut behind him. 

Gerard stares at the back of the door for a few minutes and then notices a paper plate on the counter. Seeing that it’s another note, he jumps up to read it. This time there’s a phone number and underneath it says, _’give me a call next time you’re lonely and feel like unloading $100.’_ This time Gerard is very intentional about saving the paper plate - not because it makes him smile to see the note (even though it does), but because he doesn’t want to lose the number. 

++++++++

3\. 

Gerard has to wait three weeks before he’s able to call Frank. It isn’t that he’s nervous or unsure about calling him (even though he is); it’s because he can’t afford it. Gerard isn’t really in a position to blow a hundred bucks just because he’s lonely. He has to pay bills and then has to wait until he gets paid again. If he happens to mention to Ray that he’d be happy to work a few extra shifts, well, that’s really irrelevant. He does like his job after all. Then he gets a check in the mail from his grandmother. It’s meant to be for tuition, but she always sends extra and then he really feels like he can rationalize treating himself. 

He’s certain that he should feel worse about thinking of buying a hooker as ‘treating himself’, but he can’t manage to see it that way. He knows the thrill he gets when he finally picks up the phone to call has nothing to do with the ‘paying for sex’ part and everything to do with the fact that it’s Frank. He’s sure it isn’t healthy for him to be developing a crush on a hooker, but he calls anyway. 

It rings several times and Gerard hopes he isn’t too late. He’s afraid maybe Frank’s already working and turned the ringer off. It’s only seven, though. He intentionally called early, hoping to catch Frank before he started for the night. It goes to voicemail. Frank’s voice says, ‘It’s Frank, leave a message,’ and Gerard is at a loss for two painfully long seconds before he finally manages to say, “Hi, Frank, it’s Gerard. I um… I don’t know if you remember me, but ah… we uh, hooked up a couple times last month? And you left me your number? Um, I don’t know if you’re working tonight or if you’re still even doing this, but uh, if you are um, give me a call back.” He quickly rattles off his number. “Umm, you can call any time tonight or uh even tomorrow night. Okay, bye.”

Gerard ends the call and bangs his head against the wall, feeling like a complete and utter tool. Normally he plans what he’ll say if he gets voicemail before making any kind of phone call. He was just so excited about finally being able to afford Frank that he didn’t even think about it. He mentally runs through his current alcohol inventory and thinks about working his way through his four beers and bottle of Bacardi. He hopes it’s enough to last him the weekend. 

*_*_*

He’s halfway through his second beer, scowling at a picture he’s just drawn of Frank from memory when his phone starts playing _Like a Rhinestone Cowboy_. Mikey had changed his ringtone as a joke last week and Gerard still hasn’t taken the time to change it. It’s not as if he gets that many calls anyway. He recognizes the number on the display as Frank’s and answers. “Hello?”

“Hello, Gerard, it’s Frank.”

“Hi, Frank.”

Silence. Gerard feels like he might have actually swallowed his tongue. 

“You still looking for company tonight?”

“Yes!” Gerard coughs three times. “Yes, I am.”

“Okay.” There’s the sound of deep breathing. Gerard thinks maybe Frank is smoking a cigarette. “Should I come over to your place, then?”

“Uh, yeah,” Gerard gasps, feeling like he’s out of breath for no reason, “if that’s okay for you.”

“That’s perfectly fine for me.” Gerard can hear the smile in Frank’s voice. “Should I come over now?”

“Yes, now is good.”

Frank laughs. “Okay, I’ll see you in about twenty minutes, okay?”

Gerard nods even though he knows Frank can’t see him. “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay.” Frank hangs up and Gerard is suddenly struck with a feeling of panic that he doesn’t know what to do with. He looks around. His apartment is basically clean. He’s basically clean. He just showered yesterday, not that he really thinks Frank cares. Gerard puts the beer he was working on in the fridge for later and hides the drawing of Frank. Then he warms up two cans of Spaghetti-Os on the stove. He’s just spooning them into bowls when the buzzer sounds from downstairs. Gerard hits the button. “It’s Frank.” 

“Okay, come on up.”

Gerard checks his teeth in the bathroom mirror and is back at the door before Frank comes ambling happily down the hallway. “Hi, Gerard.”

“Hi, Frank.” Gerard backs up to let Frank into the apartment. Frank sniffs the air and spots the food immediately. 

“Speghetti-Os? Seriously?” He quirks his lip up at Gerard as he pulls off his coat. “Are we ten?”

Gerard feels himself blush. “Mikey, er, my brother always used to say they’re so bad they’re good.”

“Ha!” Frank barks out. “Yeah, I think that’s about right.” 

“You don’t-” Gerard waves a hand, “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, obviously, I just… I didn’t eat yet. Did you already eat?”

Frank shakes his head, smiling. He looks like he’s really pleased to be here. “I almost never eat before I work.”

“Ah, okay.” Gerard tries to interpret this. 

“But that smells so horribly delicious, I just don’t think I can turn it down.” 

Gerard laughs awkwardly and sits down with Frank to eat. Frank eats a bowlful and then another when Gerard offers it. Gerard notices that Frank looks like he’s put on weight since that first time they hooked up before Christmas. He’d been so fucking skinny then. He’s still thin, but Gerard no longer feels sad just looking at him. 

“Oh!” When he comes back from taking their bowls to the sink, Gerard remembers and pulls a hundred dollar bill out of his wallet, handing it to Frank as he sits down. 

“Oh thanks.” Frank takes it, raising his eyebrows. He’s still licking his lips from dinner. “Right down to business, then, huh?” 

“No!” Gerard puts a hand up. “No, I didn’t mean that. I just didn’t want to forget.” 

Frank smirks, shoving the bill in his pocket. “I wouldn’t let you forget. And it’s fine. I think I’m getting too comfortable taking advantage of your hospitality.” He moves into Gerard’s space, putting his hands on his waist. 

“Oh, uh, okay.” Gerard suddenly has a lapful of Frank, his hands landing on Frank’s elbows. 

Frank waits. His eyes are boring into Gerard’s with a hunger that has nothing to do with food. He’s so close Gerard can feel his breath hot on his face. For a second, Gerard thinks Frank is going to kiss him. “You want the same as normal, or… something different this time?”

Frank presses his face into Gerard’s neck and it takes Gerard a minute to reply. “Actually, um…” He chances snaking a hand under Frank’s shirt, low on his back. Frank doesn’t stop him, just pulls his head back to look at him with big eyes. “Could I-” Gerard shakes his head. “I mean, I want to… can I suck you?” He blows out a long breath and waits. 

Frank looks surprised and pleased. “You want to?”

Gerard nods. “Yeah, I do. Is that… I mean I’ve already taken a lot of your time, is that extra?”

Frank’s smile grows and he shakes his head, moving off Gerard’s lap and back towards the bed. “No, not for you.” He sits on the edge of the mattress and cocks his head to the side. “How do you want me?”

Gerard moves closer. “How are you comfortable?”

Frank giggles, it’s a giddy sound. “My comfort isn’t really-”

“I’m paying,” Gerard cuts him off and Frank raises his eyebrows in amused surprise. Gerard takes a deep breath. “I’m paying and I want you comfortable.” Frank’s smile dissolves a bit and he looks unsure as he lies back on the bed, pushing a pillow under his head. Gerard sits alongside him and places a hand on his stomach. “I don’t believe I’m your only customer that cares about your comfort.”

Frank hesitates. “You’re not.” 

Gerard pushes Frank’s shirt up and finally takes a moment to examine the ink on his belly, immediately zeroing in on the two birds on his hips. He wants to ask Frank what they mean, when he got them, but the words die on his lips when he looks back up at Frank’s face. He’s ridiculously beautiful. “So if other guys care about your comfort, too, what’s the problem?”

Frank’s puts his hand on the side of Gerard’s face and runs his fingers through his hair. “You’re just so nice,” he says softly. “And you’re obviously not loaded. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

Gerard smiles and wraps his hands around Frank’s waist, boldly - ostensibly claiming what he’s paid for. He licks directly into Frank’s navel before looking up at him. Keeping his tone serious, he says, “You aren’t taking advantage of me.” He sucks a hickey right on top of the angel bird and Frank shudders in his hands, his breath coming in gasps as he begins to harden. When Gerard’s finished with the hickey, he licks over the spot and looks up at Frank again. Frank’s eyes are hooded and dark. “I’m going to suck you now.” Frank nods. “No arguing.” 

Frank breathes out, “Okay,” and finally lets his head fall back onto the pillow – at last beginning to relax. 

Gerard takes his time undoing Frank’s jeans and is pleased to discover that Frank’s already mostly hard. He makes a mental note that Frank likes hickeys as he slowly pulls Frank’s jeans and briefs down together. Frank is fucking gorgeous everywhere. The dark hair of his pubes is trimmed and Gerard buries his face in it, breathing in deeply, memorizing the scent. He licks up the crease of Frank’s thigh and feels Frank’s quick intake of breath. Gerard stops to look up and sees that Frank is holding himself stiff, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. Gerard rubs his hand up and down Frank’s arm soothingly. “Relax,” he whispers. He sees Frank nod and feels his muscles slowly losing their tension. Satisfied, Gerard goes back to licking at Frank’s groin and begins methodically stroking his shaft. 

Frank’s dick is gorgeous, hard and hot and heavy in Gerard’s hand and just beginning to leak at the tip. Gerard licks up the vein on the bottom and hums happily when he gets to the top and tastes Frank. It’s sweet and tangy and Gerard can’t get enough. He sinks down and takes in as much of Frank as he can. He can’t deep-throat the way that Frank can, but he thinks he can make up for that with his technique. He’s always loved sucking dick and has never had any complaints. He sets an even rhythm right away and gets lost in it, sucking hard and hollowing his cheeks to make it tighter, better for Frank. 

Frank starts thrusting up involuntarily and Gerard backs off. He knows he’s already taken a lot of Frank’s time, but he wants to savor this. He wants to make it good for Frank, but also, selfishly, he wants to make it last as long as possible. Frank pants a little bit and it takes a minute for him to get his breathing under control. Gerard massages Frank’s flank and is watching when he opens his eyes and gazes at Gerard. “Hey,” Frank says, his voice dry and rough. 

“Hey,” Gerard echoes. “You’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?”

Frank turns his head and looks almost shy. He’s already flushed, but Gerard doesn’t think he imagines fresh crimson blooming on Frank’s cheeks. Frank reaches down and cards his fingers through Gerard’s hair. “ _You_ are, though.” He looks thoughtful as he taps at Gerard’s lips. “So fuckin’ pretty.” Frank swallows, drops his head back on the pillow, and closes his eyes. He’s clearly finished talking for now. 

Gerard looks down and trails his fingers over Frank’s ink. He wants to see it all. He pushes at Frank’s shirt until he gets the idea and lifts up so Gerard can pull it over his head. Gerard’s eyes trace over Frank’s form and he can only just barely make out the letters on Frank’s hips. He needs to read the rest of the words. “Turn,” he nudges his hand gently up under Frank’s side, “turn over. I want to see the rest.” Frank rolls over obediently and Gerard is at once startled and awed by what he sees on Frank’s back. Words and pictures and… bruises… Frank has finger shaped bruises on his lower back and hips. They’re yellowed with age, but still… Gerard bites his tongue just in time to keep himself from saying something about them, but he kisses Frank’s skin for a long time. If Frank realizes that Gerard’s kissing the old bruises, he doesn’t say anything about it. 

After what feels like years spend examining and tasting his ink, Gerard rolls Frank over onto his back again and looks closely enough to see the remains of small, faded yellow bruises that were obviously made along with the ones on Frank’s back. Gerard pictures the asshole who was trying to pick Frank up last time and wonders how many others there are like him. He shudders and tries to squash that thought down with kisses placed carefully all over Frank’s belly and hips. 

Gerard returns to jerking Frank off and it isn’t long before Frank starts shifting and whining in frustration. Gerard is pretty sure that Frank won’t get bossy about it, but it’s clear he’s ready to come and trying to control himself. Gerard begins sucking him off again, quickly getting back into his steady rhythm of sucking and stroking, only faster this time. He goes as deep as he dares and doesn’t hold Frank’s hips as he jerks up, no longer holding himself back. Gerard feels a deep, inexplicable sense of satisfaction when Frank finally shouts and lets go, his muscles seizing up just before he comes down Gerard’s throat. Gerard swallows it all. He can tell that it’s good, that Frank is coming hard and he keeps stroking even after, while it’s just dry spasms. He keeps going until Frank pushes his hand off as he tries to catch his breath. Frank doesn’t let go of Gerard’s hand, squeezing his fingers as he comes down. 

After a minute, Frank abandons Gerard’s hand and then he’s pulling at Gerard, yanking him up the bed and pushing him to lie down next to him. He goes immediately for Gerard’s pants and gets them undone with record speed, pulling them down along with Gerard’s underwear and getting his dick out. 

There’s no foreplay this time, no teasing, because Frank seems to know that Gerard won’t last. Frank sinks down immediately, taking Gerard’s entire length in his mouth and sucking hard. His rhythm isn’t the best, but Gerard chalks that up to the fact that Frank’s still reeling from the amazing orgasm that Gerard just gave him. It doesn’t matter, though. Frank just barely starts touching Gerard’s balls and that’s really all it takes for Gerard to lose it and go tumbling over the edge. Gerard just barely manages to cry out a warning before he comes so hard his vision whites out and he thinks he stops breathing for a minute. He seems to spasm down Frank’s throat for ages. When he finally comes back to himself, Frank is carefully tucking him into his underwear. 

Gerard takes a deep breath and sighs, kicking off his jeans. He watches Frank lie back on the pillow again, looking deeply satisfied as he pulls up his underwear and pants, not bothering to do them up all the way. Gerard lies down next to him, not quite touching, and stares for a few long minutes. He trails his fingers along the lines of Frank’s chestpiece. He can’t help but think that Frank’s awfully young to have so much ink. Before he has time to consider his words, he hears himself asking, “How old are you?”

Frank turns his head and looks at Gerard for a long moment before finally saying, “Twenty.” 

“Bullshit.”

Frank laughs and reaches around on the floor by the bed until he grasps his wallet and slides out his license, flicking it at Gerard. 

It falls on the bed and Gerard picks it up. Sure enough, Frank is twenty. “Your birthday is Halloween?” Frank nods, but doesn’t lift his head from the pillow, not in a hurry to get up and leave like normal. Gerard’s eyes flash quickly to the Halloween letters on Frank’s knuckles before he examines the I.D. more closely. Frank’s from New Jersey, too. Oh. “You’re from Belleville?”

“Mmmhmm,” Frank intones lazily, finally sitting up and holding his hand out for Gerard to give his license back. 

“I’m from Belleville, too.” Gerard gives the I.D. back reluctantly and realizes he’s stalling again. He never wants Frank to leave. “I guess I was too far ahead of you in school to know you. I mean, I’d remember you. But did you ever know Mikey Way? That’s my brother.”

Frank shakes his head. “I went to Catholic school,” his brow furrows, “but Mikey Way does sound familiar.” 

“He always knew a lot of people.” Gerard waves a hand. “He’s kind of a social butterfly. Not like me.”

“Not like you, huh?” Frank looks thoughtful before he finally picks up his shirt, pulling it on over his head. Gerard thinks his eyes look sad briefly before they disappear behind the fabric. When Frank’s head reemerges, he says, “I have to go.”

“Yeah, I know.” Gerard tries and fails to keep the sullen tone from his voice. “I’ve kept you way too long.” 

Frank stands up and does up his pants before helping himself to one of Gerard’s cigarettes. “It’s fine.” 

Gerard shakes his head. “No it isn’t. I’m making you lose money.” 

Frank gets the cigarette lit and sucks in a long drag before patting Gerard’s cheek gently. His eyes look soft and almost hazy. “It’s fine, Gerard. Don’t worry about it.” 

Gerard wants to argue more, but after a beat he decides to let it go. “Okay.” He lights a cigarette of his own while he watches Frank getting ready to leave. 

Frank stops when he gets to the door and takes a long drag of his smoke, staring at the floor as he says, “Call me again?”

Gerard nods. “I will.” 

Frank taps on the door and looks like he wants to say more, but all he says is, “Good.” And then he’s gone, a trail of smoke still hovering in the air even after the door is closed. 

++++++++

“You can’t pay someone to date you.” Mikey says, infuriatingly reasonable. 

Gerard pulls the phone away from his ear and makes a face at it before arguing, “But if it was a nice enough meal, I mean, couldn’t that take the place of payment for one night?”

“I don’t think so, Gee.” There’s static over the line, Gerard wonders what Mikey’s doing. “I think you’d still be obligated to pay for the sex, even if the meal was like, payment for his time before the sex.” 

Gerard pauses, imaging how much a night like that would cost. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He chews on his thumbnail and looks sadly over the dozens of drawings of Frank he’s done in the last few days. “I can’t really afford that.” 

“Gee, you can’t afford hookers at all. Why are you even doing this?”

“I told you!” Gerard snaps in frustration. “I like him,” he says, sulkily. 

“You have a crush on a hooker.” When Gerard doesn’t respond, Mikey says, “Do you even know if he’s actually gay?” 

“He really seems like he is. He’s at least bi anyway.” Gerard smiles to himself, remembering. “He likes it Mikes, I can tell. No totally straight dude could fake it that good.”

Mikey laughs a little bit, not meanly. “Is he single?”

Gerard sighs. “That I don’t know. I know he lives with someone, but he’s not too forthcoming when it comes to details about his personal life.”

“I can understand that.” 

“Yeah,” Gerard has to agree. He wouldn’t expect Frank to tell him that kind of stuff and he’s always been too scared to ask. 

After a second of silence, Mikey pipes up. “Well, why don’t you just ask him out, then? Just tell him you like him. If he’s taken he can just say so, no harm done.” 

“I don’t-” Gerard goes back to chewing on his nail and stares longingly at his bed. He hasn’t changed the sheets in ages because they still smell vaguely like Frank. He’s relying on that to spark his memories for his special alone time with his dick until he can afford to call Frank again. “He’s totally out of my league, Mikey. I’m trying to be reasonable, here. He’s hot. He’s not going to be interested in me like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. And then it would be awkward if I tried to call him again for a job and so it would have to be over.”

“Okay, fine,” Mikey huffs. “You’d rather be unhappy than take a chance, I get it.”

“No, I just-” Gerard groans. “I just feel stuck.” It’s silent for nearly a full minute before he admits, “I wish I’d met him some other way.”

“I completely get that.” Mikey’s voice makes Gerard break a little bit and he wishes Mikey was there so he could hug him. 

“I wish you were here.”

“I was there last week.” 

“I wish you were here _now_ ,” he blurts out, whining.

“I know.” 

Gerard’s run out of things to say now that he’s finally told Mikey about Frank. It’s been driving him crazy, not being able to talk to anyone about it. He did manage to ask Ray one day at work this week if he’d ever paid for sex. Ray said no, but he’s thought about it. That was probably the best opening Gerard could have hoped for, but he couldn’t bring himself to try and explain the whole thing to Ray. They have to work together every day, after all. Gerard’s awkward enough as it is without something like this hanging in the air.

Gerard’s almost forgotten that he’s on the phone when Mikey asks, “You’re still coming on Friday, right?”

Mikey and Ray have been bugging Gerard to come see this new punk band for weeks. They keep raving about how good these guys are. Gerard finally agreed to go to a show with them. “Yeah, I’m coming.” 

“Good,” Mikey says. “You need to get out, spend some time outside your apartment other than in that shitty bar on the corner.”

“I go to class… and work,” Gerard argues.

“That isn’t what I mean, and you know it.”

“Yeah, I know,” Gerard allows.

“I have to go, Gee.”

Gerard lets out a long breath. “Okay.”

“Don’t get drunk.” 

“Can’t, I have class early.” 

“You’ll get wasted anyway and go to class hungover.” 

Gerard laughs. “Not tonight, though.” 

“Okay.” Mikey’s voice is soft. “Just draw Frank until you fall asleep. Did you eat yet?”

Gerard smiles. “Yeah, I got a hotdog on my way home from work.”

“Okay. Night, Gee.”

“Bye, Mikes.”

++++++++

4\. 

Gerard practically guzzles his first beer after Mikey drags him into the club. He hates social things like this. He loves shows and punk bands, but he hates people. He’s never figured out a way to navigate going out without drinking a lot. He’s happy this place actually has tables near the back so he can sit and sulk while he watches the band. Ray and Mikey have been talking about this band nonstop all night. Gerard almost wants to dislike the band on the principle that he’s tired of hearing about them.

They sit through two opening bands and by the time the headliners finally come onstage, Gerard’s feeling about ready to bolt. He doesn’t understand why they had to get there so early and he’s jonesing for a smoke. He wonders how pissed Mikey and Ray will be if he bails before the first song is even over. Gerard looks up at the stage just as the first chords ring out and completely forgets about smoking. 

He totally forgets about smoking because he sees Frank. Frank is onstage playing guitar in this punk band that already has the whole place going crazy, a circle pit breaking out within seconds. Gerard gapes through the first song. When it’s over, Ray pokes at him. “They’re good, right?”

It takes Gerard a few seconds to find his voice. “Is that their normal guitarist?”

Mikey grins along with Ray. “Yeah, Frankie. He’s fucking amazing, right?”

Gerard nods, feeling dumb. Frank _is_ amazing. He’s a total maniac onstage, jumping and spinning and twirling and never missing a note - at least not so much that Gerard would notice. Frank’s singing backup, too and he’s totally into it. He has his eyes closed more than half the time, completely lost in his music. Gerard just stares at him through the entire set. He probably forgets to blink. 

When the set is done, and after an amazing encore, Gerard claps and cheers along with everyone else, not wanting to take his eyes off of Frank even as he starts working to tear down the set. Mikey and Ray get up to put their coats on. Gerard stands, but doesn’t move for his coat, still stuck watching the stage where Frank is laughing at something one of the other guys in the band said. Gerard is struck with the most absurd jealousy. He wants to make Frank laugh easily like that. He feels Mikey’s hand on his arm. “Gee?” 

Gerard turns and realizes he’s scowling as Mikey waves Ray off. “I’ll meet you guys outside,” Ray says. 

Mikey moves closer and lowers his voice. “What’s wrong?”

Gerard nods up at the stage where Frank’s bent over wrapping a cord around his forearm. Gerard can see the guns inked on his lower back. “That’s Frank.”

“What? Yeah, that’s Frank Iero. Everyone calls him Frankie.” Mikey’s obviously confused. 

Gerard finally looks away from the stage to see Mikey’s bewildered expression. “Okay, but… but that’s also Frank.” He sighs. “The Frank I told you about.”

Mikey’s eyes get wide once understanding sets in. “Oh shit.”

Gerard shakes his head. “What do I do?”

Mikey looks at a loss for a minute, glancing up at the stage. “What do you want to do?

“I want-” Gerard runs a hand through his hair. “Dammit, I want to talk to him.”

“Okay.” Mikey shrugs. “Then you should.”

“You think?” Gerard’s voice comes out squeaky.

“Yes, I do.” Mikey nods decisively. “I honestly can’t think of any reason why you shouldn’t talk to him. There’s no reason to pretend you guys don’t know each other. Just say hi. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Gerard makes a face at Mikey over that because the worst that could happen is pretty bad. Frank isn’t working right now. A lot of people get annoyed when they run into people from work in their personal lives. He has no idea how Frank will respond to seeing him here. Mikey waves his hand in Gerard’s face. “Stop over-thinking. C’mon, Ray’s waiting for us and you look like you could use a smoke anyway.” Mikey shoves Gerard’s coat at him and turns him toward the door. “We’ll stand by the corner, so even if Frank goes out the back door, we’ll see him when he comes out the alley.”

“What if he’s with someone?” Gerard whines when they finally get outside. 

“Then you’ll say and hi and bye pretty quickly. Don’t worry about it.” Mikey fumbles Gerard’s cigarettes at him and he finally starts to calm down once he inhales a few drags. 

From the corner Gerard can see the guys from the band all loading their gear up into a van. Gerard watches as Frank helps haul the equipment and get it all stowed away. The crowd gradually disperses and it feels like forever before someone else from the band finally closes the back door of the van and Frank waves goodbye to the driver as the van slowly pulls out of the alley. Gerard backs off when Frank finally comes down the alley, his guitar slung over his back in a black case. Gerard’s still a few paces away when Frank gets to the corner and stops to light up a cigarette. Gerard is about to say something to him when several people who’ve been waiting around all approach Frank at once, telling him how great the show was. Gerard notices with dismay that several of the admirers are pretty scene girls with too big smiles. Frank is polite and makes small talk with everyone. He’s obviously friends with some of these people. After a few minutes of Gerard not saying anything, Mikey apparently gets bored with waiting. Ray’s been looking at them strangely for the last few minutes, obviously wondering why they’re still waiting around. 

Mikey walks right through the small gathering, pulling Gerard behind him by his jacket sleeve. He smiles big at Frank and puts his hand up for a high five. “Great show tonight man!” Frank smiles back automatically and returns the high five. “I don’t know if you remember me, Mikey Way.” Mikey points to himself just as Frank glances up and sees Gerard. 

The spark of recognition is instant and he holds Gerard’s gaze. A smile slowly forms on his lips as he says, “Mikey Way! Right, of course, that’s why the name sounded familiar.” He spares Mikey a quick glance, his eyes immediately returning to Gerard’s as his grin widens. “You’re Gerard’s brother.” 

“Yeah,” Mikey says, a sly smile in his voice. “You know Gerard?”

“I do.” Frank says, stepping closer and turning to acknowledge Ray who’s been standing off to the side. “Frank,” he says happily.

Ray waves and offers up an awkward high five, “Ray. Awesome show tonight.” 

“Thanks man,” Frank says, finally moving all the way into Gerard’s space. He knocks his hand right against Gerard’s. “Wasn’t expecting to see you here.” His voice is soft. 

“Surprise?” Gerard offers up feebly. Frank snorts. “Honestly, I had no idea you were even in a band. I’m not like, stalking you or anything.” Gerard rolls his eyes at himself. “Not that I wouldn’t. I mean, if I’d known how.”

“Umm, I’m flattered?” Frank narrows his eyes and considers. “I think?” His eyes don’t leave Gerard’s.

They just look at each other for a few seconds and Gerard begins to feel like he’s in a trance. He’s startled out of it when Mikey squeezes his shoulder. “Ray and I are gonna head out, Gee. Okay?”

Gerard nods absently. “Yeah, okay. Later.” The rest of the crowd finally disperses. Gerard can’t help but preen a bit inwardly at the sour expressions on the scene girls’ faces as they walk away disappointed.

Then it’s just the two of them and Gerard has no idea how to act. He feels Frank’s hand still lying limply next to his and he grabs it, feeling bold. “I um, have no idea.” He laughs. “You-” He shakes his head. “Uh, shit.”

“Surprise!” Frank says, glibly, holding one hand up, fingers spread like jazz-hands. “I have a life outside of turning tricks.”

“Of course!” Gerard coughs nervously. “I mean, obviously I knew that. I just never really thought about what it was.” 

Frank shrugs. “Well, we never really talked about it.”

“No, we didn’t.” Gerard agrees. “Time is money.”

“Right,” Frank admits. “It is.” 

Gerard vaguely realizes that Frank’s still holding his hand, sort of squeezing his fingers rhythmically and not making a move to go anywhere. “What are you doing right now? I mean, did you have plans?” Frank shakes his head. Gerard thinks his eyes look kind of shiny, but he figures it must be a trick of the light from the yellow streetlamp. “I think I have about twenty-five bucks to my name and I know that’s probably insulting, but if you didn’t already have plans…” He trails off when Frank puts a finger up to his lips. 

“Twenty-five is more than zero, which is what I would have had for the night since I hadn’t planned on working after this.” He drops his hand and cocks his head to the side. “I’ll tell you what. I’m actually really fucking starving right now. There’s a diner up the street that I love. And since you seem to have a thing about feeding me-” 

“I’ll buy you dinner!” Gerard cuts him off. “Whatever you want.” Gerard figures he can put the food on his credit card and give his cash to Frank. 

Frank laughs. The sound rings out in the cold night air and Gerard thinks it sounds like music. “Okay, then. In that case, I’m sure we can work something out.”

Gerard feels a strange sort of swelling in his chest and knows it’s probably dangerous, but he squeezes Frank’s hand and happily asks, “Which way is it to this diner?”

Frank squeezes his hand back and turns them. “This way.” Frank doesn’t drop his hand when they get inside the diner. Not even after they slide into the booth. Not until he needs to use it to eat the waffles he orders. Gerard tells himself it means nothing. Surely, it means nothing. 

*_*_*

Gerard smells smoke and sits up with a start. “What?” He rubs his eyes and sees Frank sitting at the end of his mattress looking at a book and smoking. “Oh, hey.”

Frank looks up at Gerard, inhaling a drag of the cigarette. He pats Gerard’s foot. “Hey. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Gerard yawns and rubs his eyes again. “You’re still here?”

Frank nods. “I am. I was on my way out, but,” he holds up what he’s reading and with sick embarrassment, Gerard recognizes it as the sketchbook he’s been working in lately, “I got distracted.” 

“Oh shit, Frank, I’m sorry-”

“Why?” Frank snaps. He presses his fingers slowly over a page that’s a detailed sketch of his own face. “These are amazing. Why are you sorry?”

Gerard shakes his head. “I never asked you if it was okay to draw you.”

Frank shrugs. “It’s okay.” He pats Gerard’s foot again and leans over to put his cigarette out against the side of the trash bin. 

Gerard sits up and scoots closer. He wants to touch Frank’s hand, but he’s suddenly nervous. “What time is it?”

Frank yawns and rests his head in his palm, elbow sitting on his crossed knee. “I don’t know, four maybe? You’ve been passed out for like an hour.” 

“I’m sorry I fell asleep like that.” Gerard does tap Frank’s hand now, his fingers sliding over the word ‘hopeless’. “I did pay you, right?”

Frank smirks. “Yup, twenty-five bucks.” 

“Yeah about that,” Gerard rubs his neck, thinking back over everything they did after coming back to his place from the diner. They’d exchanged blowjobs immediately and then Frank jerked Gerard off before he fell asleep. Gerard groans at himself, inwardly, not sure what he’d been thinking about. It was obviously way too much sex for twenty-five bucks. He can’t stand to think of Frank doing him favors. He doesn’t want to be a pity fuck. “I’ll totally pay you extra next time to make up for it, just remind me-” 

Frank shakes his head and puts his whole hand over Gerard’s mouth. “Stop, it’s fine.”

Gerard shakes his head to dislodge Frank’s hand. “No, it isn’t right, Frank.” Gerard furrows his brow and feels a headache coming on. “I want to pay you.” 

Frank sighs and stares at Gerard for a long moment. His eyes almost look, angry? It’s gone in an instant when he says, “How about this? You let me have one of these drawings of me and we’ll call it even, okay?”

“That’s really what you want? Just a drawing?”

Frank says firmly, “That’s really what I want.” 

Gerard sighs. “Okay, whatever, take as many as you want. You earned whatever you want.” It almost seems like Frank flinches at Gerard’s words but he can’t be certain. It could be a trick of the dim light - the streetlamp shining in the window and the light over the stove cast the only shafts of light in the room. 

Frank carefully tears out three drawings, his fingers tracing over them softly, almost reverently. He’s still looking at the pictures when he says, “I should go.” 

“Okay.” Gerard rubs his thumb over Frank’s knee, right over the hole in his jeans. Frank doesn’t move. Gerard gets lost in the tiny touch, just rubbing his finger over the exposed skin - Frank’s skin. After a few seconds, he feels Frank’s knuckles come up under his chin, turning his face up. Frank’s eyes seem to be searching his. “I don’t know what it is about you, Gerard Way.” He breathes in sharply. “I can’t just make my money and get out. With you, it’s just… I don’t know.” Frank shakes his head minutely. “Sometimes I think maybe I like this job a little too much.” Gerard doesn’t breathe. He closes his eyes, so sure that Frank’s about kiss him, but then Frank pulls Gerard’s chin down and leans up to plant a soft, chaste kiss on his forehead before standing up abruptly. 

Gerard swallows and opens his eyes in time to watch Frank pull his coat on. He picks up his guitar from where he’d left it by the door and says, “Goodnight Gerard,” as he walks out. 

Gerard says, “Goodnight,” to the back of the door. 

++++++++

It’s another three weeks before Gerard can afford to call Frank again. He goes home from work on a Friday night and spends about an hour staring at his phone, staring at Frank’s number on the screen – but he doesn’t call. He’s sure he can afford it and he’s rationalized it to himself in every way possible, but when it comes time to hit the call button, he can’t bring himself to do it. 

He takes himself and his hundred bucks down to the bar on the corner instead. He knows he can’t really reasonably drink through all hundred bucks, but he figures if he can blow at least a third of it, then he won’t be able to afford Frank anymore and it’ll be a few weeks before he can again and by then he’ll be over him, so he really won’t even be tempted. 

Because Mikey’s right, you can’t pay someone to date you. 

Even though it really did feel like a date… sitting in the diner with Frank. Frank is funny. He has a really good sense of humor and a great smile. Thinking back on it, Gerard realizes that they didn’t actually talk that much at all -Frank didn’t seem to have any interest in telling Gerard about himself- but it didn’t feel awkward. It was warm and comfortable and they both cracked a few jokes, poking fun at their situation and it actually felt less awkward than most of Gerard’s experiences with real first dates. 

Gerard’s been dreaming about it. In his dreams, they leave the diner and go back to his place and don’t stop at blowjobs. In the dreams, Gerard makes love to Frank slow and deep and tender and every time when Gerard wakes up he feels a little bit more like dying because his subconscious mind is obviously trying to torture him by repeatedly showing him images of things that he can never have. 

By the time he’s finished his third beer, he’s feeling fuzzy enough around the edges that the sharp pain that cuts through his heart every time he pictures Frank doesn’t pierce quite so deep. 

He keeps going because oblivion is the only thing that’s going to keep him hanging onto the threads of his sanity for the amount of time it’ll take to get over Frank. Gerard drinks two Jack & Cokes and that’s when he’s finally able to force out a wry smile, staring down his third glass of the bitter, brown, bubbly liquid. He can see the dark humor in it all now. He can see how it makes perfect sense, really, that he would end up falling for a fucking hooker, a dude who would blow anyone with the right amount of dollars in his pocket. Gerard’s never been able to maintain a relationship with anyone who would spend time with him voluntarily. Mikey has to give a shit because they’re brothers and Ray works with him and their families are friends, so it’s in his best interest to be nice. Aside from that, Gerard’s always been spectacularly successful at alienating anyone who might intentionally choose to spend time with him. 

He knows all this; has known it; knew each time with Frank and just forced it into the back of his mind. He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to admit that he really is _that guy_. He really is that pathetic loser who falls in love with a prostitute because he’s never been able to get anyone else to actually spend enough time with him to be able to fall in love with them. Yeah, he’s known all this and tried to ignore it, but Jack Daniels never lets that happen. His old buddy Jack always makes him see himself for who he really is. 

He switches to Sangria. Three Sangrias and he’s feeling just bitter and jaded enough that he thinks he can pass out soon and spend the rest of the weekend a hungover heap, curled up in his blankets that still smell like Frank. That prospect is actually sounding really good right now. He thinks about the bottle of vodka he has in the freezer at home; it’s almost full. He figures that’ll be enough to get him through the alcohol shakes tomorrow afternoon. He can worry about his school assignments on Sunday. 

It’s with this in mind that he pays his tab and stumbles out of the bar, not even three hours after he went in. He feels like he can already smell Frank’s scent on his blankets and can’t wait to get home and wrap himself up in them. If he could get it up, he’d jerk off to the images of Frank stored in his memory. He’s pretty wobbly as he meanders down the sidewalk, barely able to keep his balance and stay upright.

Gerard begins to wonder how drunk he actually is, because now not only does he think he can smell Frank, but he hears his voice, as well – as if he’s nearby, talking to someone in low tones. Gerard’s probably going crazy. This is really it - he’s gone completely ‘round the bend this time. He has to stop when he gets to the mouth of the alley, falling against the side of the building so he can hurl. The Sangria bubbles out bright red with little pieces of fruit, partially chewed up finding their way out as well. Gerard snorts as he wipes his mouth with the back of his arm. He thinks it’s really too bad because those little pieces of fruit are probably all the actual nutrition he’ll get all weekend. 

He’s not sure how long he stares at his vomit before he manages to push himself up and away from the brick wall and that’s when he comes face-to-face with Frank. “Hallucinating,” he spits out, tasting bile in his throat. He thinks this smelling-hearing-seeing Frank vision he’s having is really fucking vivid. 

Frank gets out, “You’re not hallucinating,” just before Gerard falls into him. Frank catches him in a hug and when Gerard’s got his face buried in Frank’s neck, smelling his hair, he wonders if he actually overdid it so much this time that he died and this is his personal version of heaven. 

“Are you real?” He mumbles. 

Frank breathes out a long-suffering sigh. It’s enough to give Gerard the clue that maybe this isn’t heaven. He doesn’t think his heaven-Frank would sigh at him like that. “Yeah, Gee,” Frank eventually says quietly, rubbing slow circles on Gerard’s back, “I’m real.” Frank gets his hands under Gerard’s armpits and pushes him up and away to look at his face. Gerard has to close his eyes against Frank’s glare. “What the hell happened to you?” He demands, angrily.

“Mmm drunk.”

“No shit!” Frank turns and reaches his arm around Gerard’s middle, getting his shoulder up under Gerard’s armpit and steering them out of the alley. “But _why_ are you so drunk, though?” Gerard shrugs and it makes him fall down more heavily on Frank’s shoulder. “Nooo, don’t do that,” Frank says, unsteadily. “We have to get two more blocks like this.” 

Gerard shakes his head and the whole world spins. He nearly faceplants, but Frank is there, sturdy and a whole hell of a lot stronger than he looks. Gerard has to swallow and think really hard about it before he’s able to force out, “You don’t have to-” he coughs out more bile, “I can do it… get home.” Gerard forces his eyes wide open, everything’s a bit fuzzy around the edges and sort of… hazy and crooked, but he thinks he can make it. He’s sure he’s made it home in worse shape than this before. 

“Like fuck you can,” Frank says harshly, heaving Gerard up more onto himself and pulling him along jerkily. He doesn’t say anything else and Gerard gives up arguing, not that he really tried very hard, but it had to be said – Frank doesn’t have to do this. But he seems determined and Gerard is honestly just too damn tired and sick to argue anymore. He lets Frank shoulder more of his weight than he should and they make progress slowly, eventually making it to Gerard’s building. 

“Give me your key,” Frank spits out. 

It startles Gerard, he almost feels like he was asleep. He’s so sleepy. “What?”

“Your fucking key!” Frank shoves at him and starts fishing around in his pockets. “So I can unlock the damn door!” 

“Don’t yell!” Frank’s voice is loud and jarring. Gerard manages to get his key ring out and identify the right key to open the building. Frank gets the door open and getting up the stairs to Gerard’s floor is an adventure that has Frank mumbling expletives under his breath the entire time. That strikes Gerard as funny and he’s laughing by the time Frank gets his apartment door open. Gerard stumbles into the room and lands face-first on his mattress, still laughing, long and loud. 

Frank kicks him in the side, hard, and he rolls over to see him glaring down at him. He actually has his hands on his hips and his face is bright red from exertion and this all just makes Gerard laugh harder. “What the fuck is so funny, asshole?” Frank demands.

“You are.” Gerard waves his hand in Frank’s general direction. “You’re fucking…” He has to take a break to breathe in deep. He’s gonna hurl in a minute. “You’re a fucking firecracker, Frankie.” He gasps, “Oh shit, gonna hurl.”

Frank gets the trash bin over by the bed just in time for Gerard to puke into it. Frank simply stares at him for another minute. Gerard rests the side of his face on the edge of the trashcan and looks up at him. He must make a pretty pathetic picture right now. Frank shakes his head and pushes his hair back in agitation before finally taking his coat off and dropping it over the back of the lone chair in the room. He says, “I’m not fucking holding your hair for you,” as he turns to go in the bathroom. 

Gerard thinks about it and notices that yeah, he does have strands of hair falling in his face and he’s pretty sure there’s probably some vomit in them. He thinks about shrugging, but gets derailed when he needs to hurl some more. Frank comes out of the bathroom with cold, wet washcloths that he puts on Gerard’s forehead and the back of his neck when he finally stops heaving. He tugs on Gerard’s coat sleeve. “Jesus, at least taking your fucking jacket off, idiot.” 

Gerard’s completely limp, he can’t even help as Frank pulls his coat off and then his shoes and his jeans before pushing him back on the bed and pulling the blankets up over him. “Frankie,” Gerard croaks. He forces an eye open to see Frank kicking his shoes and jeans off. “Frankie.” He tries to make a grab for Frank’s hand when he’s finally sitting still beside him and fails, hand landing on his thigh instead. Gerard pushes at it. “Frankie!” 

“Fucking what?” Frank snaps. 

“Why are you wasting your time on me?”

Frank rolls his eyes and looks angrier than Gerard’s ever seen him. Gerard has to close his eyes because it hurts his heart to see Frank looking at him like that. “Shut up, Gerard,” he finally says. “I like you. Just fucking go to sleep.” 

Gerard does. And he’s 100% sure it’s another one of his masochistic dreams when he feels Frank lie down next to him, his arm a firm pressure on Gerard’s chest all night long. 

*_*_*

When Gerard opens his eyes, his first thought is that he was right before, he did die and go to heaven. This is the only possible explanation because Frank is still here - sound asleep in Gerard’s bed and snoring a little bit. 

Gerard’s second thought is that this is hell because there is no way that he would feel this fucking awful in heaven. It takes him three tries to lever himself up to sitting. He gets stuck there with his head in his hands as he remembers last night. Of course it’s just his fucking dumb luck that Frank had to find him while he was wasted beyond all redemption; just another perfectly appropriate scene in the string of comic tragedies that are his life. He was trying to get over Frank while he still had some dignity, not give him evidence for why he should never answer a call from Gerard again. No one wants to get involved with a pathetic drunk. That’s supposed to be Gerard’s little secret, just between himself and his apartment’s walls. It’s why he usually only gets that wasted at home, alone. 

He takes a deep, fortifying breath and manages to stand, pulling himself up with a hand on the windowsill. On wobbly legs, he makes it to the bathroom before he throws up again. It goes on until he starts feeling like his stomach has turned itself inside out and now he’s actually vomiting up the lining of it. He keeps heaving until there’s nothing left. Sitting down on the toilet once he’s sure he’s done… for now, he manages to drink some water from the cup in the bathroom. He considers the shower, but ends up deciding it probably wouldn’t be safe for him to try to stand for that long. He settles for washing his face and neck in the sink and trying to get most of the vomit out of the front of his hair. 

When he comes out of the bathroom, he finds Frank sitting up in bed, leaning back against the wall and smoking one of Gerard’s cigarettes. He stares at Gerard, unblinking. 

Gerard stumbles back to the bed sits down next to Frank. Frank lights a cigarette for him and hands it to him. “Thanks,” Gerard says. “And thanks for,” he waves his hand, “you know, last night. You didn’t have to do that.” Frank shrugs and continues smoking. When the silence gets to be too much Gerard asks, “Why um… I mean, you stayed. I thought you, you know… didn’t do that.”

Frank looks at Gerard for a long moment before he puts his cigarette out in the ashtray by the bed. Finally, he says, “You weren’t a client last night. I was just helping out a friend.”

“Are we friends?”

“Sure.” Frank shrugs. “I consider a lot of my repeat clients friends.” 

Gerard bites the inside of his mouth and thinks about being friends with Frank. He thinks that might be okay. “You didn’t have to stay, though. I mean, I would have been fine once I got home.”

Frank cocks his head to the side and blinks at Gerard a few times. “I wanted to stay.” He says it like that should be enough for Gerard, like ‘that’s final’ and Frank isn’t going to discuss it anymore. Gerard looks down at his hands and can’t think of anything else to say for himself. He’s kind of shocked that Frank would be willing to keep him as a client and ‘friend’ after what he saw last night. 

After another minute, Frank stands up and starts pulling on his clothes. He took his shirt off at some point during the night and Gerard admires the sight, wishing he had the money and felt well enough to take advantage of Frank being here. 

Once Frank gets his shoes and coat on, he comes back to kneel on the bed next to Gerard, palming at his cheek to turn his face so their eyes meet. “Are you going to be okay?”

Gerard snorts. “Oh yeah, epic hangovers aren’t really anything new for me. I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, I kind of gathered that,” Frank says, twisting his lips in a wry smile. “Are you going to call me again?”

“I will if you want me to.” 

“I do.” Frank says it so firmly that Gerard believes him completely. He isn’t just being nice.

“Then I will… when I can afford it again.”

Frank breathes out a long stream of air. “Okay.” He nods as he stands up. “Take care of yourself in the meantime, okay?” He waggles a finger teasingly. “No choking on your own vomit. You need to stick around to make more drawings of me so that when you’re a famous artist, I can brag about how many times I sucked your dick.”

Gerard laughs and smiles for real at that. “Okay, I’ll do my best.”

“Okay.” Frank grins at Gerard as he walks out, showing his teeth. He says, “Later, Gee,” over his shoulder as he pulls the door shut behind him. 

++++++++

5\. 

Gerard gets a large bonus every year in March because it’s the anniversary of when he started working at the Toros’ used bookstore. Everyone gets a bonus on their anniversary. It’s one of the many nice things they do that makes Gerard never want to look for another job ever. This one is easy and convenient and comfortable. After he graduates in the spring, he supposes he should start looking for something better… more professional. He ends up filled with dread and anxiety every time he starts thinking about it, though, so he keeps pushing the thought away. He stuffs it in the box in the back of his mind where he keeps all the thoughts that make him feel uncomfortable and anxious. 

Gerard cashes his bonus out right away on Friday night after he gets paid. He doesn’t call Frank, but he doesn’t go to the bar, either. He spends most of the night planning out his senior project. He’s supposed to spend the whole semester on it and he’s way behind. 

It rains all night Friday night and then again all day Saturday. By Saturday night, Gerard can hear water running in a constant whoosh down all the drains outside and overflowing the gutters. He feels pretty good about the work he’s done for his class assignments. He organizes all his school shit and ends up throwing away two bags of garbage as he cleans up the rest of the room. He showers and shaves and puts on clean clothes. Then he sticks a frozen lasagna in the oven and calls Frank. 

Frank answers right away. “Hi, Gee.” 

“Hi.” Gerard takes a deep breath and tries to calm his quickly beating heart. This is fine. Frank said he wanted him to call. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Watching an Evil Dead marathon on TV.” 

“Oh.” Gerard scratches his ear, unsure what to do now. “I don’t have TV,” slips out and he makes a sour face at himself. 

Frank says, “Hmmm.” 

“I mean, I have a TV, I just don’t have cable. I just watch DVDs sometimes.” 

“Ah.” 

Gerard listens to Frank breathing on the line. He can hear the TV in the background. He knocks the back of his head against the wall a few times and tries again with, “Do you want to come over? We can watch DVDs if you want, um… I just got a big bonus, so…” He has no idea where to go with that. 

“Do you have the Evil Dead movies?”

Gerard barks out an aborted laugh. “I do, actually.” 

Gerard hears some shuffling on the other end of the line before Frank says, “I don’t know, it’s still raining awfully hard.”

Gerard huffs. “Do you have an umbrella?”

“I guess I do somewhere.” 

Gerard flails in exasperation. His hand lands on the hot oven and he curses before bumbling, “I’m making lasagna. I mean… it was frozen… it’s from the grocery store. It’s in the oven now. Did you eat yet?”

“Does it have meat in it?”

“No, it has like,” Gerard eyes the box that’s still sitting in the top of his garbage can, “spinach and veggies.” Gerard throws a thanks up to the powers that be that he remembered Frank telling him that he’s a vegetarian when they went to the diner.

“Well,” Frank sighs, “I didn’t eat yet, and I’ve just come across an umbrella, so… I guess I can come over.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah sure, why not? Big bonus sounds nice anyway.” 

Gerard grins. “Okay,” he breathes out a sigh of relief, “cool.”

“Give me like, forty minutes? I need to shower.” 

“Okay, see you later, then.”

“Later, Gee.” 

Gerard takes a moment to stop hyperventilating and goes to unearth his Evil Dead DVDs, fervently praying that he hasn’t lent them to Mikey.

*_*_*

Frank is cheerful when he comes in. He’s wet, too. He stashes his umbrella in a corner and shakes his dripping hair out like a dog, sprinkling drops on Gerard’s face. 

Gerard laughs, wiping at his cheeks. “It’s really bad out, huh?”

“It’s fucking brutal,” Frank says, shrugging out of his soaked jacket. “The wind picked up when I was about half way here and the umbrella was fucking useless.” 

Gerard makes a sad face and puts his hand on Frank’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to come.” He isn’t really sorry at all. 

“It’s fine.” Frank turns his face and kisses Gerard’s palm. “I was actually pretty bored. I should have been working all weekend anyway, just hate the fucking rain.” 

“You couldn’t go work Grand Central?” Gerard asks as he dishes up lasagna for both of them. 

“Ha!” Frank blurts out. “No, no way. I can’t work Grand Central, man, I was totally bullshitting you when I said that.”

“Oh?” Gerard raises an eyebrow, sitting down and handing a plate to Frank.

“Oh yeah. I tried that exactly once and never again.” Frank shakes his head as he sits down with his food. “Nearly got the shit kicked out of me. For one thing,” Frank holds up a finger, “the place is crawling with cops and you have to know how to spot them, which I didn’t, but I got lucky and didn’t get caught. But the real problem is all the guys working there who have the cops in their pockets. It’s like, fucking zoned or some shit for who gets to work where.” Frank makes slicing motions with his hands. “And these guys are like, hardcore. They look out for each other and the cops totally look the other way.” He pauses and snorts, shaking his head again. “I showed up, a scrawny, bratty little twink outta nowhere and they got pissed. That was like, right when I first started. It never even occurred to me that I was totally encroaching on someone else’s territory.” He sits back and finally pulls his plate of lasagna toward him. “Yeah, never tried that again,” he says, before finally taking a bite.

“Wow.” Gerard looks at Frank wide-eyed. “Yeah, no, I never would have thought of that either.” He scratches his head. “But then why did you say, that night when we first met, why did you say you would go there?”

Frank looks a little wistful. “I don’t know, you just… you just looked so sad – like you really cared about me being cold, but I didn’t…” he pauses, considering his words, “I didn’t want to force it or make you feel like you needed to do me any favors, so I had to give you an out. I don’t do pity fucks.”

“Oh.” Gerard feels stung.

“But anyway,” Frank waves his hand. “I knew I had you already, even before I said that.”

“Oh, really?”

“Oh yeah.” Frank nods, sure of himself. “I’d seen you around, seen you notice me. I knew I had you the second you spoke to me.” 

“Is that so?” Gerard raises an eyebrow. 

“It is so.” Frank grins at Gerard and takes a huge bite of lasagna, apparently done talking for the moment. 

*_*_*

What Gerard can’t get over is how much he just loves getting Frank off. Frank has a great dick, sure, but it’s so much more than that. Gerard loves Frank’s whole body, and not just for all his beautiful ink. He loves the soft swell of his hips and his knobby knees and the calluses on his fingers. Frank is infinitely patient with Gerard, letting him nose around and inhale his scent - Gerard’s face stuck right up in his armpit. Frank giggles and says he skipped deodorant after his shower because he knew Gerard would do that. Gerard kisses and licks him all over and it takes ages for him to get Frank off this way, but eventually he does. Frank doesn’t complain about how long it takes. Just cries out while Gerard jerks him through the aftershocks and watches with hooded eyes while he licks Frank’s come off his fingers. “Fuck,” Frank says, voice deeper even than normal. “Fuck, Gee.” Gerard feels himself glow inside every time Frank uses the nickname. He says, “C’mere,” and pulls Gerard up the bed and then pushes him over onto his back. “My turn now.”

Frank starts jerking Gerard steadily, the precome that’s already been leaking for a while making for a nice slip-slide, but he doesn’t sink down and suck Gerard right away. Instead, he spends a long time licking and sucking at Gerard’s belly and hips. It tickles and tingles and makes Gerard shudder as Frank sucks hickeys that will surely last weeks, something he’s never done before. Gerard is content to relax and pets at Frank’s hair, letting him do whatever he wants. They didn’t really even talk about what Gerard wanted tonight. It wasn’t long after they finished eating that Frank hooked his fingers into the waistband of Gerard’s pants and pulled him toward the bed, stripping himself before pulling Gerard’s clothes off. Gerard didn’t really give it much thought as he started licking and kissing all over Frank’s chest and shoulders, and Frank just… let him. 

Gerard’s in a daze now, completely calm, not really even paying that much attention to what Frank’s doing until he starts nosing Gerard’s legs apart and playfully biting at his inner thighs. Gerard gasps and spreads his legs more, giving Frank what he wants and finally looks down--starts paying attention to Frank’s ministrations because it actually kind of fucking hurts, the way that Frank’s biting his thighs, but it’s in that totally good way where it feels like electric sparks shooting straight to Gerard’s dick every time he does it. 

Gerard’s dick is hard and leaking, straining in Frank’s hand where he’s stroking it torturously slowly. Gerard hears himself make a whimpering noise and Frank laughs before spreading Gerard’s legs apart even farther. Frank pushes his face up under Gerard’s dick and nuzzles at his balls with his nose, breathing in deeply and saying, “Mmmm.” He sucks on Gerard’s balls for a long time, until they’re dripping with his spit. Gerard doesn’t try to stop it now as his hips jerk impatiently. 

Suddenly, Frank stops stroking his dick and in response Gerard’s fingers tense up, probably pulling on Frank’s hair as they tighten up and squeeze and Frank says, “Shhh,” even though Gerard isn’t making any noise. Frank rubs his hand up and down Gerard’s thigh and says, “Hang on,” thoughtfully and sort of distantly, as if his mind is elsewhere. 

Frank pushes Gerard’s thigh up and off to the side and Gerard doesn’t really even have time to process what he’s doing before he’s nosing down under Gerard’s balls and Gerard feels what he is certain is Frank’s tongue licking at his asshole. 

This is new; But not bad. It isn’t bad at all. Gerard has actually always loved getting rimmed and would have happily rimmed Frank if he’d thought the action would be welcomed. They never talked about it. 

Frank starts humming as he works his tongue around Gerard’s hole and Gerard has to squeeze his eyes shut, the sensation is too much. Frank licks the area and actually spits directly onto Gerard’s asshole before trying to force his tongue inside. Gerard’s free hand has been flailing around, grasping at the sheets for a while and Frank grabs it, stilling it. He twines their fingers together. “Gee,” he says softly and Gerard wrenches his eyes open, looking down at Frank. Frank’s face is a mess, his mouth and cheeks are red and raw and shiny with spit and it’s dripping from his chin. “Just relax, Gee.” He says and Gerard can’t answer. He can’t find his voice. All he can do is nod, but that seems to be enough for Frank because he smiles and goes back to it - backing to licking Gerard’s ass. 

Gerard swallows and takes a deep breath, resting his head back down and forcing himself to relax. It’s only a few seconds before he’s rewarded with the feeling of Frank’s tongue slipping inside his ass and it’s so good. It’s the best thing Gerard thinks he’s ever felt. Frank knows what he’s doing and he clearly loves this. He’s moaning and making the most pleased sounds and Gerard feels like he could explode from it. He thinks he could come untouched if Frank could keep this up for long enough. 

Gerard isn’t sure how long Frank works his tongue in and out of his ass before he slips a finger inside, but when he does, Gerard’s breath catches in his throat and he instantly realizes how close he is. Frank grabs Gerard’s dick at the base immediately with his other hand while he works the finger around inside. Gerard opens his eyes in time to see Frank kiss his hip delicately, the gesture seems completely incongruous to the way he’s working his finger around aggressively. He has a look of concentration on his face that turns into a grin of triumph when Gerard shudders and cries out as Frank finds his prostate. Frank laughs and kisses Gerard’s belly as he works a second finger inside and crooks at just that right place to make Gerard tremble and feel like he’s going to fall apart completely. 

Frank makes a happy humming noise as he licks at the head of Gerard’s dick and murmurs, “So fucking delicious,” before he finally starts stroking him again. Long, firm strokes in time with his smart fingers working in Gerard’s ass. Frank’s strokes speed up and it can’t be more than another minute before Gerard’s shouting and coming in long, thick spurts all over his belly and Frank’s hand. Frank jerks him through it. Gerard looks down and watches as Frank licks the come up off his belly before bringing the fingers that had been in Gerard’s ass up to his mouth. He looks right in Gerard’s eyes as he takes them in and sucks and says, “Mmmm.” 

Gerard thinks he might pass out and has to close his eyes again, dropping his head back onto the pillow and gasping, “Fuck, Frank.” It’s the only intelligent speech he can muster. He vaguely hears Frank laughing softly beside him as he lies down and seems to be getting comfortable, nestling into the pillows. Frank pulls the covers up over them both as he hums contentedly. Gerard starts drifting off in his post orgasmic haze, loving the way Frank’s curled up at his side, running his fingers around on Gerard’s stomach, making invisible designs. It almost feels like Frank is settling in for a while. Gerard thinks that’s odd and then jerks completely awake. “I never paid you!” He starts to sit up, but Frank pushes him back down into the pillows. 

“It’s fine, I’ll get it before I leave.” Frank resumes petting Gerard’s belly and Gerard is kind of bewildered. Frank has never done this before - had sex with him before getting paid. 

“I-” Gerard starts, not knowing exactly what he means to say. “I’m glad you trust me so much.” 

Frank places a wet kiss just over Gerard’s right nipple. “Well, I do.” 

Gerard wraps an arm around Frank’s back and closes his eyes, enjoying the moment. Without thinking it through, he hears himself say, “Damn, Frankie, I just really want-” He stops when he realizes he’d been about to say, ‘to make love to you’ and instead spits out, “I really want to fuck you.”

Frank snorts. “Yeah?”

He doesn’t sound bothered by it. Gerard rubs his back firmly. “So, so much.” 

“Yeah,” Frank says, rubbing his face on Gerard’s chest. “I don’t think-” 

“Yeah, I know,” Gerard interrupts, dropping a kiss into Frank’s hair. Frank seems to nuzzle up into it. “I know I can’t afford it, I just… I don’t want to fuck you like, like as a job you’re doing that I have to pay you for, I want-” Gerard sighs and screws his eyes shut tight, Frank’s body has gone completely still against his. “I want to fuck you like, like just as this awesome, hot guy I know, just… because I like you… a lot.” 

Frank seems to deflate, letting out a long stream of air before he says simply, “Oh.” 

And that’s basically all the answer that Gerard needs if he ever wondered if Frank could like him that way. He feels like an idiot for admitting his feelings out loud. He’s lucky Frank even thinks of him as a client and a friend. Wanting more is just selfish and obviously setting himself up to be disappointed. After a few seconds, when Frank doesn’t say anymore, Gerard says, “I just wish I had met you some other way.” 

“Oh,” Frank says again quietly. After a few seconds he shakes himself. “Yeah, me too.” Frank sits up abruptly. “I have to go.” 

“Oh.” Gerard feels like the temperature in the room just dropped about ten degrees. He watches as Frank digs around for his clothes. He’s flushed and has a sour expression on his face. Obviously Gerard crossed some kind of line with what he said – clearly blurring the lines of propriety between customer and service provider. “Okay, well, let me pay you.” He picks up his wallet and pulls out everything he got for his bonus. He figures this is the last time he’ll see Frank now that he’s fucked up so royally by word-vomiting his feelings. 

He hands the cash to Frank once he’s dressed, and for the first time ever, Frank counts the money in front of Gerard. He looks up at Gerard, his brow furrowed. “This is too much.” 

Gerard shakes his head. “I want you to have it.”

“No, Gee.” Frank narrows his eyes. “This-” he counts through the bills again, “Is this your entire bonus? No way! I can’t take all this!” 

“No Frank, you fucking ate my ass! You can’t tell me that’s something you’d do for the normal price of a blowjob. Just don’t, please don’t do me any favors, take the money. You earned it.”

“Stop fucking saying that!” Frank yells angrily. “You think,” he shakes his head, “you think I was doing you a favor? What like… like a sympathy rimjob?”

Gerard shrugs. “Why else would you? You said yourself that you know I’m not loaded.”

Frank is completely still, unmoving, not even blinking for a harrowing three seconds before he says, “Fuck you.” 

“Noooo,” Gerard whines, waving his hands in front of him. He can’t stand it that Frank is pissed at him now. He wants to tear his hair out. “Frank, fuck, I’m sorry about what I said, okay? I shouldn’t have said anything. I know it can’t be like that between us and we probably shouldn’t see each other any more, so please just take the money, but please don’t be mad at me for liking you.” He knows his voice sounds whiny and pathetic, but he can’t help it. 

Frank shakes his head. “No, huh? Can’t be like that between us. I thought-” He shoves his hair back and looks up like he’s trying to keep from crying. “I don’t know why I thought…” He trails off like he can’t bear to say anymore, finally shoving the wad of bills in his pocket.

Gerard reaches for his arm. “Frank, don’t be like that-”

“Don’t touch me!” Frank snaps as he pulls on his coat. He stops when he opens the door and turns back to look at Gerard. He is crying now and Gerard can’t understand it. “Fuck you, Gerard Way, for making me care about you; for making me think that you weren’t a prick just like all the others. Guess I had you pegged wrong all along.” He slams the door and Gerard cringes as he hears him stomp down the hallway.

Gerard doesn’t leave his apartment for four days after that. 

++++++++

“I saw Frank the other day.”

“Oh yeah, did you tell him your prick brother still dreams about him every night?”

Mikey sighs and it makes the line all staticky. “No, I didn’t. I did tell him that I think you’re both idiots, though.”

“Why? I’m the asshole who tried to pressure him into something romantic after he’d made it clear we were just friends.”

It’s silent for a few seconds before Mikey asks, “Did you?”

“Did I what?” Gerard snaps, still frustrated weeks later. 

“Did you really try to pressure him into something romantic?” Mikey’s tone is even and infuriating like he’s spelling something out to a child. “Because I’m not sure he remembers it that way.” 

What? “What?” Gerard stares at the phone for a moment. “Why? What did he say? I mean, I told him how I feel about him.”

“…Yeah…” Mikey says, slowly. “He said that. And then I told him I don’t understand what’s wrong with the both of you since you’re so obviously perfect for each other. He then went on to tell me that it’ll never happen because you’re just the same as every other asshole john who grew a crush on him but couldn’t get over the part about him fucking for money.”

When Gerard’s brain stops reeling, he says, “I didn’t… what?”

“I know, right?” Mikey snorts. “I told him that really didn’t sound like you at all, but he was adamant.”

“Why would he say that? I never…” Gerard flails. “I don’t even…” 

“I don’t know, Gee. But I think you should call him.” Mikey continues quickly. “And after talking to him about it, I really don’t think he ever meant to give you the impression that you guys could only be friends.” 

“But he said-”

Mikey cuts him off. “You don’t have to recount to me everything that Frank said. I get the feeling he isn’t the best at communicating his feelings, but then neither are you.”

Gerard sighs. “I guess.”

“So call him.”

Gerard is silent for a moment before grudgingly agreeing. “Okay.”

“And this time, just…” Mikey takes a deep breath, “try to say what you mean, okay?”

“I always do, Mikes.” Gerard argues.

“Okay, but like… I don’t know. If he still seems upset, just keep telling him how much you like him until he gets it. I think… I think he’s kinda squirrely, you know?” Mikey’s pitch rises slightly which is unusual for him. He’s obviously given this some thought. “I think Frank’s really just kinda scared when it comes to relationships. I guess he’s been hurt a lot, so he’s always going to assume the worst intentions behind everything you say, so just… think carefully about what you say before you say it.” 

Gerard repeats that to himself in his head. He thinks he can do that. “I think I can do that.” 

“Good.” Mikey’s voice softens as he says, “I think Frank could be really good for you.” Gerard shrugs to himself, not knowing what to say to that and after a second Mikey says, “I have to go.” 

“’Kay.”

“Call Frank.” Mikey’s voice is stern. 

Gerard takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Promise? And do it sober, don’t get drunk first.”

“Okay, I promise…” Gerard waves a hand, “about all of it.” 

“Okay.” Mikey finally sounds satisfied. “Bye Gee.”

“Bye Mikes.”

*_*_*

Gerard calls Frank three times over the next week and it goes to voicemail every time. He doesn’t leave a message. 

++++++++

1\. 

It’s really freezing out for April. Gerard pulls the collar of his denim jacket up higher around his face as he smokes and waits. He stayed all the way in the back during Frank’s band’s set to be sure he wouldn’t be seen. He figures it was pretty dark in there and with the stage lights, it’s hard to see people far back in the crowd, but Gerard didn’t want to risk Frank knowing he was there. 

He finishes his cigarette and peeks quickly around the corner. It’s a different club, but he gets déjà-vu as he watches Frank help load the band’s gear into their truck. He really isn’t sure what he hopes to accomplish tonight. There’s a huge crowd waiting around to talk to Frank again. Frank probably won’t even want to listen to what he has to say. This is the worst exercise in futility Gerard has ever let himself attempt. He’s tried to talk himself out of it over and over again, but he keeps thinking back to what Mikey said. If even half of it is true, then he has to at least try to talk to Frank; try to figure out how he managed to fuck things up so terribly. 

He’s lost in his own thoughts, trying to give himself a pep-talk about how it’s good that he’s here; telling himself that he’s being really brave by trying to talk to Frank and that even if it doesn’t work out, he should feel good about himself for trying. He’s so caught up in his own head that he doesn’t notice when Frank comes around the corner and starts talking to all his friends. He’s actually startled by it when he feels Frank’s hand on his arm as he says, “Hey, Gee.”

Gerard jumps slightly and Frank drops his hand. Frank waves goodbye to a couple more of his friends and then it’s only the two of them left. Frank blinks at him, waiting. Gerard thinks back to what Mikey said about meaning what he says and considering his words before he says them. After a minute, Frank snorts and starts to turn away. Gerard makes a truly embarrassing whining sound and grabs his hand. “I don’t want to give you any money.” Frank stops moving and raises his eyebrows, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t have any money for you, none. In fact, I really can’t afford you anyway. I never could.” 

Frank cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes. Gerard’s pretty sure Frank knew that already. Frank blows out a long breath and asks, “So what do you want, Gerard?” 

“Okay,” Gerard whispers to himself under his breath. Frank quirks his lip up, looking slightly amused. Gerard thinks through every thing he wants to say. He’s sure he’s making strange faces as he goes over it all in his head and thinks he must look pretty hilarious because Frank’s raising an eyebrow at him, but still waiting patiently. Frank uncrosses his arms and shoves his hands in his pockets. He looks like he’s settling in for the long haul. That gives Gerard the confidence he needs and he says, “I want to take you home with me.” Frank’s eyes get big and Gerard keeps going, trying to be clear. “I want to take you home with me and I want to make food for us to eat together, not because I’m worried about you or because I think you’re too thin, or I don’t think you can get food for yourself. And not because I think I need to give you food in order to make you like me better.” Gerard stops to catch his breath. “I want to go home and eat because _I’m_ hungry. And I want to eat with you because it’s polite to feed a guest in your house.” 

Gerard pauses to take in Frank’s expression. He’s cracked a real smile now, but he also looks like he might cry. Gerard barrels on. “And then after we eat, I want to blow you. And if you want to blow me or jerk me off or whatever, then I want you to, but only if you want to because you’ll be doing it for free. I’m not giving you any more money.” 

Frank lets out a laugh like he can’t help himself. “Okay, I got that part.” He waves a hand. “Go on.” 

The next part is the kicker because it’s where he messed up so terribly last time. Gerard takes a deep, fortifying breath. “And then I want to fuck you. No,” he waves his hands, “erase that. I want to make love to you, because I like you. I really like you and not like a friend. I don’t just want to be friends.” Gerard’s voice rises and Frank’s eyes widen. “If you want-” Gerard takes a breath and tries to calm his tone. “I want to make love to you if you _want_ me to. I only want it to be because you like it… because you like me back.” 

Frank shakes his head. “You thought I didn’t like you back?”

Gerard puts his fingers over Frank’s mouth. “I’m almost done.” Frank stills and nods, biting his lip. “I don’t care that you fuck people for money. You’re good at it and if it makes you happy, then I’m totally fine with it. I do want you to be safe, but that’s another conversation. The point is you can fuck people for money if you want, but just not me.” Frank is crying now and Gerard wipes at the tears with his fingers. His cheeks are so cold. It’s so cold. They should get inside. “One more thing.” Frank smiles again and huffs out a laugh, his breath white in the frosty air. “I don’t wish we had met some other way. It doesn’t matter _how_ we met. All that matters is that we did meet, and I wouldn’t change that, or trade it for anything in the world.” 

Frank turns his face into Gerard’s palm. He says, “Gee,” so softly. He closes his eyes for a few seconds and then blinks up at Gerard. “Are you done?”

“Yes.” Gerard nods. “No wait.” He shakes his head and Frank laughs again. “I want you to stay all night and sleep in my bed with me after and stay until morning. And I want to kiss you on the mouth. Like, all the time. I like to kiss the boys I like. That’s really important to me.” 

Franks quirks his lip up and sniffs, “You aren’t afraid of catching oral herpes or something?”

“Oh my god.” Gerard rolls his eyes. “Just let me know if you feel a cold sore coming on, okay?”

Frank grins and laughs, big and real and bright. “Okay.” 

Gerard wraps his hand around the back of Frank’s neck and leans down just as Frank surges up to kiss him. Frank tastes amazing, just like Gerard always knew he would. His tongue demands entry immediately and Gerard lets it in gladly. They kiss deep and messy until Gerard feels Frank put his hand up on his cheek and feels that Frank’s fingers are freezing. He pulls back and grabs Frank’s hands in his, rubbing his fingers to try to warm them up. “Come home with me?”

Frank nods, his eyes shining. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.” 

They hold hands the whole time as they walk back to Gerard’s place and Gerard doesn’t have to question what it means. He realizes, feeling somewhat silly about it now as he looks back, that maybe Frank just likes holding his hand. 

*_*_*

As it turns out, there are a lot of things that Frank does just because he likes them. He likes biting and giving hickeys, “to guys with pale skin because they always show up good and look so dramatic,” and he likes sucking on Gerard’s balls because, “they’re nice, I told you that,” and he likes fingering guys while he sucks them off, but, “I never try that the first couple times unless the guy asks for it because some guys _really_ don’t like it.” Frank shrugs as if he doesn’t understand that mindset at all and happily goes back to sucking Gerard off while massaging his prostate with three fingers. 

And then later, after Gerard’s come down Frank’s throat and jerked Frank off while kissing him on the mouth, tasting traces of his own come, Frank says, “I want you to fuck me,” Gerard feels his eyes get wide and Frank adds, “when you’re ready… when you can.” He nudges at Gerard’s dick and smiles. “No rush… I’m not in any hurry.” 

Gerard laughs and pulls Frank up to kiss him again and just barely gets out, “good,” before their mouths collide. Frank is an amazing kisser, better than all of Gerard’s dreams and Gerard can’t get enough of it. It also turns out that Frank is really cuddly. He’s more than happy to lie pushed up against Gerard and rut on top of him while they make out even before he starts getting hard again. Gerard holds him close, arms wrapped tightly around him because he can’t believe this is real. It’s like he thinks if he holds on hard enough, Frank won’t be able to disintegrate or dematerialize like a ghost or a vision Gerard is having. 

When Frank starts to harden against Gerard again, Gerard can’t help it when he gasps out, “I feel like I’m dreaming, like I’m going to wake up any moment.” 

Frank bites Gerard’s collarbone and murmurs, “Not dreaming.” 

Gerard grasps Frank’s shoulders and pushes him up enough to look into his eyes. They’re cloudy with lust and unfocused. Gerard waits for Frank to come back to himself a little, finally meeting Gerard’s gaze with curiosity. “I did dream about you, though, so many times.” 

Frank’s lip quirks up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Gerard nods. “And then I would wake up and be all depressed that it wasn’t real. It always felt so real.”

Frank drops his forehead against Gerard’s. “As real as this?” he whispers.

Gerard shakes his head. “No.” He kisses Frank quickly. “No, never like this.” He turns them abruptly so he’s on top and Frank giggles, it rings out, sounding loud in Gerard’s quiet apartment after their whispering. 

Frank spreads his thighs and wraps his legs around Gerard’s waist. Their hard cocks rub together and they both gasp, throwing their heads back. After a few thrusts, Frank comes back with his teeth on Gerard’s neck, scraping the skin. “Fuck me, Gee,” he pants out. “I promise when you wake up I’ll still be here.” 

“Yes,” Gerard says, nodding. “Yeah, right now.” He reaches his arm out, fumbling around along the side of the bed for his bottle of lube. “You have condoms?” 

Frank nods. “Yes, hang on.” Gerard finds the lube while Frank flails around on the floor until he comes up with his jeans and pulls a strip of condoms out of the back pocket. Frank rips one off and tears it open with his teeth. He pants out, “here,” pushing it into Gerard’s hand. 

Gerard moves back to slide the condom on and then he has to stop and catch his breath because nothing could have prepared him for the sight of Frank, squeezing lube out onto his fingers and reaching back to open himself up. He slides two fingers in right away and closes his eyes as he works them around. Gerard gasps and bites his lip. It’s hot to watch, but after a minute, he feels absurdly jealous of Frank’s fingers and doesn’t stop himself from slapping Frank’s hand away. “Let me.” Frank opens his eyes as his fingers fall out and steadies himself with his hand on Gerard’s knee. 

Frank grins at Gerard and lies back, pulling his legs up with his hands under his knees. All he says is, “Three fingers now,” before closing his eyes and swallowing, waiting. Gerard gets three fingers lubed up and slides them in, finding almost no resistance. Frank is completely relaxed. Gerard runs the fingernails of his other hand up and down the back of Frank’s thigh and watches as goose pimples break out over the flesh. Frank says, “Tickles,” but doesn’t open his eyes. Gerard finds Frank’s prostate quickly and loves watching the way Frank’s stomach moves at his sudden intake of breath each time Gerard’s fingers move over it. It isn’t long before Frank’s shaking his ass urgently. “Fuck me, Gee.” He reaches down and bats at Gerard’s hip. “Now, need you inside me.”

Gerard pulls his fingers out and lines up. He places his hands on Frank’s belly and waits a beat. “Ready?” 

Frank opens his eyes and motions for Gerard to lean down while surging up to kiss him, deep and messy. When Frank pulls back, he grunts out, “Yeah, so ready.” Gerard slides in slowly and revels in watching Frank’s eyes roll back in his head. “So fucking good,” he moans as he falls back onto the pillow. 

Gerard sets a slow pace at first, not in any hurry, and runs his fingertips in circles on Frank’s cheeks, making him smile. He doesn’t touch Frank’s dick, but just looks down at him in wonder. Frank is so goddamn beautiful, from the straining muscles in his neck all the way down to his toes, curling and uncurling as Gerard thrusts in and out. Every once in a while, Gerard hits Frank’s prostate and he makes an adorable keening sound that he’ll probably deny later. Gerard can’t believe he gets to have this. His feelings overwhelm him and he has to close his eyes, stop looking. 

He grabs Frank tightly by the hips and thrusts harder, falling down to suck on the skin of his neck. He kisses Frank and bites at his bottom lip before tugging on his ear with his teeth. “Okay?” He manages to grunt and Frank nods, his hands slipping in the sweat on Gerard’s back where he’s holding on. 

After a few seconds, Frank pants out, “Faster, Gee.” He curls his fingers into Gerard’s back, nearly scratching him. “Harder, please. It’s okay.” He opens his eyes, pinning Gerard with his gaze, and palms the side of his face. “I wanna feel you so deep. C’mon. Fuck me.”

Gerard nods and picks up the pace, finally reaching for Frank’s dick and stroking slowly. Frank’s leaking like crazy and Gerard has to bring his hand up to his mouth a few times and taste it. “So fucking delicious, Frankie,” he murmurs and delights in Frank’s satisfied expression. 

Once Gerard really gets going, he knows he won’t last much longer and he wants to bring Frank right along with him. He speeds up his strokes as he shifts his thrusts so he’s hitting Frank’s prostate each time. He’s mesmerized as he watches Frank falling apart beneath him. He’s trembling and crying out on each thrust, squeezing Gerard with his ass muscles, his legs wrapped around him, heels hitting him in his lower back. Gerard can tell when he’s almost there, can feel his whole body tense up and says, “So beautiful Frankie,” just before Frank shouts and comes all over his belly and Gerard’s hand. 

Gerard can’t believe how good it feels, Frank’s ass clenching around his dick as Frank comes for what feels like forever. Gerard just barely has the presence of mind to keep stroking Frank through the aftershocks until he starts whining. Then Gerard shifts, changing his angle just slightly to get as deep as possible on his last few thrusts before he loses himself completely, coming longer and harder than he can ever remember. 

He slows down his thrusts gradually as he feels Frank’s legs fall down to the side on the bed. When he can finally be still, he lets himself relax and gently lies down on top of Frank. It’s a few minutes before he becomes aware of Frank’s fingers twining gently in his hair and hears him say, “So fucking good,” in a voice that sounds as wrecked as Gerard feels. 

When Gerard finally pulls out, Frank hisses just slightly, but pats at Gerard’s thigh in response to his worried expression. “’Mmmm good,” he says, and looks like he’s just barely managing to keep his eyes open. 

Gerard gets rid of the condom and lies down beside Frank, pulling him close and kissing the top of his head. Frank turns his face up and kisses Gerard’s chin. “Okay?” he asks, quietly. 

Gerard captures Frank’s mouth in a tender kiss. When it breaks he says, “Sooo much better than okay.” He pats the side of Frank’s face. “You?”

Frank giggles. “Fucking amazing.” He leans down and licks Gerard’s chest. “I’m going to want this all the time now.” 

Gerard huffs out a laugh, amused. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.” He pulls the covers up over them both and wraps his arms around Frank, holding him close while his heart rate slowly returns to normal. 

It’s dark and quiet in the room - totally calm. Gerard feels warm and blissed-out and completely awake. For the first time, he knows Frank’s going to sleep over and still be here when he wakes up and he doesn’t even feel a little bit sleepy. He wonders if Frank feels the same. He’s lying with his head on Gerard’s chest and Gerard just keeps threading his fingers through Frank’s hair, like he can’t stop. It’s like now that he knows he can caress Frank and have him know what it means, it’s all he wants to do. 

Frank’s been making “hmmming” noises for the last little while - almost like he’s purring because he likes Gerard playing with his hair. It startles Gerard when he’s silent for a few seconds and says, “I still have that three hundred dollars from last time.”

It’s a moment before Gerard manages to ask, “What?”

“I never spent it. I couldn’t.” 

“Why not?”

Frank shrugs and taps his fingers on Gerard’s chest lightly. “I never rimmed anyone for money.”

“No?”

“No, it’s-” he shakes his head. “It’s a really gross thing to do, you know?”

Gerard has to laugh. “Well, yeah. It is.” 

Frank laughs, too. “Anyway, I’ve never been able to do it with someone I didn’t actually like. Like, it just isn’t worth it. It isn’t sexy like that. I only like doing it when I really like the person and so I _want_ to taste them in gross places.” 

“Like their asshole,” Gerard can’t help but say. 

“Yeah,” Frank admits, “like that. And I know I should have told you that when I did it. I wasn’t-” Frank turns, pushing himself up so he can look at Gerard’s face. “I hadn’t ever intended to let you pay me for that night.”

Gerard gapes. “How come?”

Frank makes a frustrated noise. “Because it isn’t appropriate to take a client’s money if you have feelings for them, it’s unprofessional, like, ethically, you’re supposed to end the arrangement when that happens.” He lets out a strangled breath. “I was going to tell you that. I was going to ask you if you wanted to date me.”

“Why didn’t you?” Gerard whispers.

“Because you said you liked me, but it couldn’t be like that between us.” Frank’s voice rises. “You said you wished you’d met me some other way and I thought you meant you could only think of me as a hooker.” 

“Oh my god, Frankie, no.” Gerard sits up, putting his hands on Frank’s cheeks.

“I know.” Frank shakes his head. “I know now you never said that, I just assumed that’s what you meant.”

Gerard bites his lip and caresses Frank’s face. “I thought you would only be able to think of me as a john. I thought you only wanted to be friends because I was a customer. I didn’t know you liked me back.”

Frank furrows his brow. “How could you not know?” He asks breathlessly. 

“Well, you never told me!” Gerard says, exasperated. “And when I told you how I felt about you, all you said was, ‘oh’.” Gerard makes air quotes around the ‘oh’ and sighs dejectedly. 

“I was just surprised. I didn’t-” Frank swallows. “I wasn’t sure you felt the same. I wasn’t expecting you to ask for…” He deflates, breathing out sharply. “I’m sorry. You just didn’t give me a chance.” 

It’s silent for a minute. Gerard sighs and says, “Frankie,” as tenderly as he can. He wraps his arms around Frank’s middle and pulls him into his lap. “I think we _are_ both idiots, just like Mikey said.” 

Frank laughs and lets his forehead drop down against Gerard’s. “Yeah.” He runs his fingers along Gerard’s collarbone. “Thank you, though.” 

“For what?”

He sighs. “For coming tonight and telling me how you felt. That had to take a lot of guts.” 

“Well, you’re welcome.” Gerard thinks about it and says, “I’d do it again if I had to.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm.” Gerard nuzzles Frank’s nose with his own. 

“Yeah, that’s good because you might have to.” Frank admits, “I can be a little neurotic sometimes.” 

“Oh well, yeah, I never am.” Gerard shakes his head, his tone dripping sarcasm as he says, “Nope, not me, never.” 

Frank laughs, grinning now, and wraps his arms around Gerard’s neck. “I want you to fuck me again.” He kisses Gerard’s neck by his ear and bites the lobe playfully. “And then I’m going to fall asleep and take up way too much space on the bed. It’s going to be really annoying, but it’s okay, because in the morning we’re going out and I’m going to buy you breakfast.” 

“Mmmm,” Gerard hums and licks at Frank’s chin as he lets his hands wander down to grasp at his ass. 

“Do you think you can handle all that?” Frank asks, sounding playfully impatient. 

“Oh yes.” Gerard nods. “I think that all sounds just about perfect.” 

Frank giggles. It’s high-pitched and a little bit piercing and it sounds like music to Gerard as he flips Frank over on the bed, licking his belly and reveling in the fact that he gets to do this now, whenever he wants, for free. 

 

[Mix](http://rubytuesday5681.dreamwidth.org/45071.html)

[Art](http://rubytuesday5681.dreamwidth.org/45344.html)

[Master Post](http://rubytuesday5681.dreamwidth.org/45975.html)

**Author's Note:**

> While this story is complete on its own, it is also the first part of a two-part Rentboy!Frank series that I have planned.  
> Frank and Gerard’s relationship continues in the next part, picking up several months after this story ends. From Frank’s P.O.V., we’ll finally get to learn about his background and motivations. Gerard will have to face his issues with drinking and much to Frank’s chagrin, a more sober Gerard will discover that while he didn’t mind Frank turning tricks at the start of their relationship, he feels a little differently about it once he and Frank start falling in love. In the end, Frank will have to stare down some of his own demons and make a decision about what’s really important to him.  
> I don’t have an E.T.A. on this one yet, but it is plotted and I promise it will be worth waiting for. :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Five times Gerard pays for it (and one time he doesn't)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/676347) by [takola](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takola/pseuds/takola)




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